Surgery & My Dream


September 25, 2011

People often ask me why I would go to such extreme extent in my transition. Why would I do this to my body?

I will be the first person that is trying to explain this to other people as far as I know, in a hopeful, educational manner. So that Society can understand may try to understand the answer with me and others who are transsexual.

“Sometimes the best things in life happen after you’ve done what you’re SUPPOSED to and you are now FREE to follow YOU’RE dreams!

Arthur unknown

In my opinion human beings all have an emotional, physical, mental and sexual aspect of us.

When you alter any of the above, it will have a gross affect on all the others.
Plus, additionally there is the dynamics and complexity of genetic make up.

Recently it has been medically proven that some children are born with different genetic flaws, other than the normal male or female, as we presently know it! If people would consider the actual medical facts it would be possible to understand.

All males and all females share these traits. All men have hormones in them and all females have testosterone in them!

In my case there has been a genetic screw-up with the normal male or female chromosomes, the XXY” factor, which makes me male but predominantly female. This is not hard to comprehend if you think for a moment out side of the box. We have all heard that there are individuals who are born with the actual gentiles of a man and a woman. You be the judge! You pick what gender you feel they should be! Do you want that person to be a man or a woman? Or better yet, why don’t you try to understand with a compassionate view and let that person be, who the feel they are deep inside themselves!

Understand that all the complexities above occur within each transsexual person whether or not, they are male to female or a female to male. They must be allowed to transition in their own way and manner.

Some obtain illegal hormones, estrogen or drugs, to deal with it. Some go to a third World butcher to have the sexual reconstructive surgery. They tell loved ones, friends and relatives in different ways and manners. Some are good and some are bad. The saddest thing is that there are some that can never tell anyone and must hide it forever.


1. I have always felt that I am a girl incarcerated in a male’s body since birth, and have been forced to hide that for 40 years.

2. I have faithfully been seeing a therapist for the last 7 years, being diagnosed with depression, gender dysphoria and incongruence and go every other month.

3. I have faithfully been going to a female Doctor, endocrinologist, who is medically and legally treating me as a transsexual woman. I have ongoing blood tests to determine the levels of estrogen in my body! ( I was recently informed that I have the same level as a 30 year genetic woman) The doctor constantly monitors the condition of my liver, kidneys and physical condition. I have been prescribed 1 mg-estrogen, bi-weekly, in the manner of a self injection, which I have gin myself for the last seven years. She has prescribed daily hormone pills, which I have taken ever day for the last 3 years. I also take spirolactone pills daily, to limit the secretion of testosterone in my body, for at least 8 years. NOTE: Research has not yet been completed to determine the danger to a genetic male’s body, which all the medication creates. All genetic female know that it is dangerous in certain situations to take hormones.

4. PHYSICAL – The school of thought presently, is that if male to female transsexuals, take hormones, they will basically have the same breast size of their mother. It could take up to five years for breasts to form totally.

I have breasts. The hair on my legs has gotten softer and lighter, and my legs have become more feminine. My hips are changing in a more profound feminine
Manner, as well as my butt! My muscle mass has depleted and I am weaker. The hair on my arms has slowed in growth and become softer, finer and lighter.
I had a slight bald spot on the top of my head. And, the amazing thing is that my hair has grown back in, differently, and a wonderful manner It does not affect “beard growth” Only electrolysis can alter that.

So in a nutshell, these are the physical changes which have occurred with me.

5. I would like you to understand at this point, here I am right at this point in my,
Transition. I am no longer physically a man nor am I a woman. I am something
In between both. . I can no longer wear some cloths for men, like a bathing suit,
because of the physical changes that have occurred and the fact that now I have
Sizeable breasts. I can not wear a woman’s bathing suit because I would probably
look like some sort of Circus Carnival freak. By my own choice I am now stuck
In the middle. Don’t get me wrong I love the feminine changes in my body.
I am happier than ever before.

6. EMOTIONAL- Emotionally I have become an emotional roller coaster. I look at life in a very different manner and perspective. I cry out of no where. I feel the flow of femininity flowing and cycling within my body in a euphoric way. I have become less aggressive, more caring, more intensely emotional like a genetic woman. It has been related by some also like PMS. The intense feeling if divine femininity feels wonderful to me and, makes me feel more complete and free. However the onslaught of new emotions and feelings has had a profound effect on me more positive than negative. I right at this moment don’t know how much more I will change and grow or even become, but, I do know I want to continue to take this beautiful journey because it is so worth it.

7. SEXUAL - I am going to make this statement according to my opinion and what I have learned through out my transition and life. A person typically acquires at a young age a deep seated sexual preference and attraction for another male or female. It makes no difference if you are a man or a woman. This fact has been proven over and over. Your sexuality is your own preference.

Growing up my sexual preference even at this moment is for females. I am heterosexual. Interesting dynamic is that now as Jamie Lee, I consider myself to be lesbian because of being Male to Female. I will admit even before I began my transition, I have thought over the years what it would have been like to be with a man. If you as the reader say that is has never crossed your mind in your life, I would be very skeptical about that. But I have never reacted to that thought because I prefer to be with women. Let me say this, even if I had been born as a genetic female I would have been a lesbian.

Being a cross dresser or a transsexual does not magically make you gay and prefer the opposite sex. The first thing that a woman says to cross dresser or a transsexual when she learns about it is! Are you gay?

I want to have the Reconstructive Surgery before I die. It would be like finally being in the Circle of woman. It would make me feel and be the closest to who I am since birth. It would be like coming home. There is a term in our Community which labels that as “Stealth” I would be happy at last and at piece with my self and heaven. In the last many years I have had visions that when I died, I would be standing in the most beautiful vast field of flowers, with the most beautiful white dress on, and flowers in my hair. I would be running, spinning, playing and living free. I would finally be the essence of the most divine femininity that has ever existed.

The only problem with fulfilling my dream is the 17, 000 dollars it costs to have it done. I am starting to even collect the pennies that most people throw away on the street. And let me tell you something! It doesn’t matter to me that they are “heads up”

So finally I am interested, if feed back, constructive criticism from people that have taken their time to read this. Please comment. Please at least tell me and be my Judge. Do you feel I should get the operation? YES or NO?

I truly want to take a moment to thank from the bottom of my heart, anyone who has taken their time in their life to care enough to read this about me.

Thank you very, very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jamie Lee
JamieLee1 JamieLee1
51-55, F
2 Responses Sep 26, 2011

Let me clarify something for any readers of my stories. The statement was made in my story about SRS and me looking like a freak. It was a statement made for education. There is no one more educated than me in the Transgender Community and I have been an advocate towards our issues.<br />
<br />
Presently the SRS Surgery is considered by numerious entities to be just cosmetic! It shouldn't be! Presently it has been proven by the medical and theraputic world to be a necessity for indivuduals who are truly Transexual and at that point in their transition. It is medically necessary to make some of us, feel complete in our mind, body, hearts and souls. All this is for education of the general public concerning our needs! The saddest part of this IS THAT the majority of the public DO! think we are freaks. That is a fact wheather anyone agrees with it or not. If you don't then send me someting saying that I am wrong. None of my stories are meant for a personal attack of anyone in our Transgender Community. And I please ask that if you comment on my stories, please don't use my site to elicit people to look at your photos.<br />
<br />
If we are women, then we must live and act like generic females so they may be proud of us in the way we present our selves.<br />
<br />
Jamie Lee