It's Time to Make a Decision.

For so long in my life I've been living in a strange depressive state or lived in a life that I didn't and don't want to live.  It's either been, "Great, I have to get up again and spend another day in this corpse", or, "Ugh.  Another day."  Today I experienced something which I haven't experienced in SO long.  I felt happiness.  Real happiness.  Real no-strings-attached happiness.  It was so amazing and it made me realise that I'm not meant to die yet.  That there is a better life out there for me.  I don't know.  It's hope, I suppose.  Hope is nice.  I know that there is something out there that I can live which won't just be an continual existence of , "What's the point?"  

I've been waiting around too long.  I've seen that there is hope from this... this hell.  This is my hell.  I need out.  I have got 10 years, and then I'm leaving the country.  I've got two years left in -this- hole before I can sprint to a university.   Then I can do my degree and then my post-grad stuff and THEN I will be free.  Free from the curse that is this country.  I know I am privilidged.  Belive me - I know!  I would gladly give so much away, if I could get it to where it needed to be without extreme opposition by my parents.  Heh.  I've stopped calling them my 'step-parents'.  I think I'm at about level 5 or 6  (Rogers' stages of process, if you want a little reading). 

Eh, go me!  I need to thank someone. 


Mitosis Mitosis
18-21, M
Jul 20, 2008