A Lonely & Broken Life

Hi, I have no family, I have no friends, I'm not just saying that, it's fact.
I have always been really shy, now, in my mid 40's I'm not as bad as I used to be but still have trouble talking to people.
My parents divorced when I was 17, my father is gay. I found out a few months ago that my bf of 20 years has been cross-dressing, it's not so much that he does it, it's that he didn't tell me. He knows I am very open minded on things like that, but he deceived me.
My Mum died when I was 29, I miss her terribly, I never got to say goodbye to her, she died alone in hospital.
I lost my job last year, I don't even get income support now because I'm not entitiled to it so for the first time in my life I am living off my bf's income, when I don't even know, because of his deception, whether or not I even love him. I am massively in debt financially because of  losing my job, I have a debt consolidation program in place but it's going to take a minimum of 16 years to pay it off, it feels like a prison sentence.
I am so alone and have nothing to look forward to, I no longer believe in any kind of god, I used to, but not anymore.
I don't want sympathy, or preaching, I just want it all to stop.
mew196 mew196
41-45
3 Responses Aug 7, 2010

I'm sorry to say that I can totally relate to your post. Maybe this site is a way to meet people though.

hey ur suffering is immense but to sit their and think what will happen or being a person who cannot do anything will not help u dear the only way u can help urself is my trust in god and trying to find a job u can search for teacher job in the thing u r good or an elementary teacher if u have no good education u are all alone and at such time no one ever help except god ,help urself and others god is always with everyone i will pray for u ,my prays are always heard so keep faith and u can still try........................................................

you seam very unhappy, you know that the church doors are always open go to your local church and ask to talk to the minister tell him your story, christians will help you allso go to the salvation army stoers and talk to someone were do you live at the moment are you male or female let me try to help you irene.