They Say It's Therapeutic

Sometimes I "stop"....... and think  "Where the hell am I" ???  It seem that suddenly I've just awaken on a different planet. I don't recognize anything or anyone. My "real" life is somewhere else the past....? My days seem to just run together doing the same

thing every day. Sometimes, like now, things seem to get better......but still monotone, repetative days. Seems like nothing changes......  I wonder every day where Donna, Danae, Garrett & Erin are....???  I still "feel" them. I Know they are there....but where? It's like being in a bad "Outer Limits" episode. Sometime when I relax and let myself listen to a song on the radio and my mind wanders, I feel the very strong Love I have for them. A feeling that I used to feel all the time....its like my like is life a black & white silent movie, then for a moment when the feeling of my Love for them comes back everything goes to full color and surround sound stereo. Crystal clear and beautiful.....then when the songs over or the thought goes away, my world fades back to monotone black & white.

  I'm locked in a world of mediocre, bland colors, tastes, & smells, of monotony........ I don't want to be here, but everyday I wake up to the.....same...thing.....every,,,day...every day...every day..every day.....every day... I don't want ot be here, I try to do something different sometimes, but my life just keep repeating the same thing every day...  I just don't seem to be able to come up with a "different" idea to change things, in fact the things that I think I can still  hold on to sometimes,  seem to be slipping away.......further into black & white.  

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1 Response Feb 17, 2010

I am beginning to think this. To feel like this, some days its worse than others, like nothing will ever change.