Becoming My Father

My story is a little different than the others I have read on here. I actually have a loving father, I just don't want to ever raise my own son like he raised me. My parents have been married almost 30 years, and they have always shown love to each other and to my sister and I. Unfortunately, the memories I have of my dad are him yelling, being too prideful, and finding out things about him I never wanted to know (such as visiting sites to get prescription drugs, finding **** sites on the computer, etc).

First issue: Anger. Just today when I was leaving my parents house after dropping off my 5 month old son with my own father to babysit for the day, I started to realize I was slowly becoming like him. I have snapped at my wife and my own son the way my father would have snapped at me back in the day for reasons that are not justifiable. I started to think, is it OK to leave my son here with my father? I was a little frightened to be honest, because I know he has a short temper (He had broken walls when I was a kid, swung me around by my neck, etc). Now I don't get angry nearly as easily as him, but I have noticed my anger has become a slight problem. I don't EVER want to treat my son that way.

Second issue: Pride/Arrogance. I can't recall even ONCE that my dad said, "son I am so proud of you." He was too prideful for that. He was constantly talking about his own successes (he is a very accomplished musician). I completely respect that in my father, but the word "humble" is just not in his vocabulary. Even to this day (I am 26) when I tell him an accomplishment of mine, he goes right into the "I have done that" attitude or skips right over it and starts complaining about what he has to do for the day. Now I don't struggle with this issue as much, but I know if I continue on my path I am now, I will be a prideful, arrogant person just like he is. That is not who I am or who I want my son to be. My dad has been doing a lot of babysitting for us lately when he is not traveling, and I worry that my son will start picking up things from him that I do not want for him. How do you handle that fear?

Also, my sister has three kids already. I have seen how upset my father gets at my 5 year old nephew, and if I see him do this to my own son, I fear that I will tell my own father to back off. And we all know that would get ugly. Any suggestions?

Thank you all for listening.




WorriedFather WorriedFather
26-30
1 Response Sep 5, 2012

I don't think you should back your child away from your father. But since you are concerned I think you should confront your father about ...well everything you just talked about. On the other hand, it is good that you realize that you have some traits of you that your father has passed on. In that case I believe that you have caught it right in the mouth, and can stop it. If you were to notice little things like that and stop them right away, it will jus become natural to not do it anymore. Also If you are afraid of grandpa doing something harsh or crude then maybe you should have someone else watch 'em.(such as your siblings or cousin)