"I Hate My Life As It Is"

I have got so much to write.  I guess that now is the time that I do just that.

But where to begin. 

Born in Australia.

I have to kids.  Girl aged 11 and boy aged 7. I love them dearly

I was raped 3 times in my 20's

I have been close to committing suiside on several accassions because of that.

I was addicted to valium for over 15 years.

August 2005, I had told the father of my two kids to move out.  ( I wasn't happy with our relationship plus there was some domestic violence).

Sept 2005, I wasn't coping - I was taking large amounts of valium - I couldn't pay the rent anymore - I was looking after my two kids and had noone who would take them off my hands for a while.  I rang DOCS (STUPID MISTAKE) (dept of Child Safety) cause I didn't know what to do anymore - like where to live etc.  My children when in care..  They went and lived with my sister and her husband.  That turned out to be a nightmare....After they'd moved in with them, nightmare after nightmare.  I could only see them (my kids for 2 hours (with supervision ) a week.  I had moved in the Salvos.  I had to find accommodation for myself and my kids on a payment of $420.00 a fortnight.....(Try doing that here in Oz)... 

Anyway, to cut a long story short.  The case with DOCS is still going.  I feel as if noone (except for my kids) really care about me.  I want my life to change.  I am sick of not going out, I am sick of not having much money, I am sick of being in a no love relationship, I am sick of feeling alone, I am sick of feeling sick, I am sick of my life as it is................

drowningbutterfly drowningbutterfly
36-40, F
8 Responses Jun 2, 2007

you dont have to feel alone because ur kids are always gonna be by ur side, iw as raped too! multiple times and it was hard for me cuz no one believed me but i asked god what to do and he told me to stay strong and thats what i did and the pain has gona away. there are ppl out there that care about u whether u think so or not. i dont even know u and i care about u. pray alot and have faith and keep ur loved ones close! u dont need a man in ur life to feel complete! message me anytime if u wanna talk!

Be strong. It wont last forever

i hope ur life has progressed since the last comment 4 yrs ago, i hope uve found a happier place with the children u so obviously love n in return they love u too. please update us on whats happened since, n take care my lovely x x

**hugs** I hope that your doing a little better now?

I'm sorry you're going through so much sorrow right now. I can't give any advice except nothing lasts forever. Hang in there!!

all that matters right now is that you see the light in your day, not the shadow. but eventually you will see that the shadow is balanced with the light, and both will let you see...

you are doing the right things...just fight-all you can do is fight for what is good and what is right. Stay strong.

Just be strong & have faith in God.Sooner or later I know U'll got an answer from above.take Care...:)