I Want To Be More Like My Friends

I haven't had anything traumatic in my life. I don't understand why i should be like this. I'm 19 and i spend any of my time i'm not at college in my room. Either on old game systems or on the computer. When i left school i left with 1 friend, he's my closest friend in the world. I met a few more in college but we have little in common. I lost contact from two old friends from school about 3 years ago we only speak briefly online.

My college friends used to ask me out drinking often and i'd always turn it down because the thought of it intimidates me. In any public place where i haven't been before, i know it's daft, i become terrified of the thought of going there i feel sick and just make up some excuse for not going. I would feel more comfortable amongst a group of strangers than i would be out with my friends. Because they're used to the surroundings and know what to do but i don't and i know i'm stubborn, i failed a Higher or two in school because of this, i refuse to ask for help theres something inside me that see's myself as stupid if i ask. So i don't want to seem a fool infront of them and for this i just wrap myself up in my fantasy world at home. Where i can paint and write and draw. And as much as i like that side of myself i hate the fact i can't physically bring myself to do new things.