I Can't Escape From Myself
I completely hear what you guys are saying here.
I think I spend way too much time comparing myself with or fantasizing that I am another person, or whoever the particular person is that I'm thinking of. I've done this for as long as I remember.
I just know that I would be a better person with a more fulfilled life if I weren't me. However, no matter what I do, I am stuck with who I am. I've been taking anti-depressants and going for talk therapy for several years and I feel this way.
I wish that I were in my 20s so I can take the time to figure things out and not be the miserable lost soul I am with nothing to show for my troubles at nearly 40. Oh my god, I am so pathetic. My best years are gone and who would want me now?
Why the hell was I born as "ME"? Now, I totally understand it could be worse...birth defects, handicapped, other awful things...and I should be thankful for the health and good things I have, but it still can't remove the dark cloud over me.
It actually terrifies me for a moment when I think that I am stuck being me for the rest of my conscious life.