I Know I Will

I know that I'll end up like her someday. I'm seeing the signs already. I'm laid-back, I can't do household chores, I'm too polite with people, I always see the good in everyone, I avoid confrontations, I always worry about the future/past...

You might wonder why I'm making traits like the above sound bad. Well, let me tell you what those traits have done to my mother:

She ended up working in a job where her co-workers or her boss don't respect her.
She didn't get her doctor's degree at the right time and so she's at the bottom rung of her career.
Her husband's family had verbally and emotionally abused her for the first few years of their marriage.
She's always wallowing in regret for not getting that doctor's degree.
She gets angry irrationally.
Her relationship with her elder daughter (me) is dysfunctional.
She's very pessimistic.

I don't want to end up like her. I don't want to live in regret my whole life. And you know, she doesn't even have to live in regret. She's married to a wonderful husband who's a renowned physician and has a good income. She's living in comfort and luxury. The only thing that's like a thorn in her side is her job. She could just get a better job and be happy with what she has. But no, she has to stay in that stupid hospital because she worked there for 18 years and she's too proud to let go of it cuz people might think that she was too weak or something.

I promised that I wouldn't end up like her because if I was in her place, I would be happy with what I have - a good home, a loving husband, and good kids who don't break the law or do drugs or something. I would accept the fact that at 45 years of age, I do not have the ability to study for a new degree and just get a job where I'm respected instead of hanging around in one where I know nothing will change.

The problem with my mother is that she always wants MORE. She's insatiable. I'm not like that and don't want to be either.
DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 28, 2010

Well, it sounds like your mother is a co-dependant. The way I see your mother, she doesn't see anything wrong with her life... at least not anything that has to do with her... It sounds like your mother's life would be awesome if it weren't for the affect other people have on her life. I think she looks at her job and says... "if I could only get my boss to see how hard I work, then I could be happy at work" and when she is at home, she thinks to herself... "If I could just get my husband to..." and/or "any day now, I am going to get through to my daughter." I bet she strongly feels that ONLY other people hold the key to her happiness. Since she has no control over other people, it is understandable why your mother would stay in these awful scenarios. It is much easier for her to help others and play the helpless martyr, than it is for her to face the possibility of a complete upheaval of life as she knows it. She can't fix her life, so she focuses on the lives of others, ultimately ignoring her own problems until they become completely unmanageable. Since she has no control over other people, she needs help getting her life to a place where she can be truly happy... It is a good thing she has been helping all of these people for so long... now they can finally return the favor..... But nobody is around to help HER! So, now she is stuck, in the proverbial purgatory she never created for herself, because she DID allow herself to be put there.

It is right to learn from our elders mistakes.<br />
But who knows she might have her reasons. She has her dreams and has the right to work for them as she sees fit.<br />
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One thing i learned about people is that we can't change them. Especially family.<br />
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I know many things about my mother too. I used to think she's weak and always looking for support. I do not agree at all with her choices in life, but i admire more than anything in the world that she never gives up and never stops looking ahead. She would keep feeding her good for nothing husband and useless older son even though she knows they will always keep attacking her and others. Emotionally, verbally, fiscally and physically.<br />
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Of course satisfaction is a virtue but people have different perceptions of it.<br />
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Patience. :)