Have 10 Mths to Decide About Marriage

I've have always made myself out as someone who was never into marriage.  I always said that I didnt want to learn how to cook because I would be rich enough to afford a cook. I always said Men were nothing but trouble and did nothing for you or your life except allow you to have kids.  I never sat around cutting out pictures in magazines and daydreaming of my "dream" wedding.  Yet, when I would get into a relationship, I found myself wishing the guy would propose.  How hypocritical.  I never understood why... Why did I, someone who detest marriage so much, one who constantly preaches the sad statistics of failes marriages, the loss tax breaks and the the benefit of just staying single, why did I all the sudden so want some man to propose.


WEll finally, this past August, while sitting on the couch, me and my on-again-off-again boyfriend decided to get married. WE had just moved in together, so I am not sure if that had anything to do with it.  I was going through a stressful point in my life, and everyone in my office was getting married except for me...


I have no clue what made me decide to propose this to him, and for him to agree.  I have no clue what made us go on Ebay, bid on a engagement ring, what possessed ME to use MY credit card to pay for it, wha possessed me to tell my parents, family and friends, what the hell was going through my mind when I created a wedding website...I have no clue what the hell I was thinking when I decided it might be a good idea to get married.  PErhaps I thought I needed something different in my life. PErhaps I was bored. I have no clue.


Well now, in November, I am seriously doubting everything. I have essentially cancelled the wedding ceremony after my parents dished out $5000 as a down payment for the site. I have already bought my dress, and my veil, never mind teh fact I am still paying for the freaking ring..


I dont even wear the ring anymore. Everytime someone asks me, I say I put it away because I haven't had a chance to put it under insurance. Honestly, I dont miss it. 


This has nothing to do with HIM as he is a great guy. Just broke as a joke...But he is very loyal and fun as anything to be with.  But  I constantly think to myself, if this the kind of guy I want to be MARRIED to.  To me, he is the kind of guy you cheat on your husband with.  See, you marry the successful, popular business man with all the connections. You know the one that is so successful and busy that he hardly has anytime with you?  And while he is off working late or flying cross country for business trips, that is when you find your sexy, broke fun loving starving artist to just have fun with and satisfy you sexual. 


It seems to me that I am about to marry my mistress (Or mister-ess? What do you call a man?) and trying to make a mistress out of husband material. That just isnt going to work.  But now I am afraid of calling the wedding off, because I am afraid no one will take any of my future relationship seriously.  I am just at a point where I am not quite sure to do. Especially considereing the fact that live together in a place I can hardly afford by myself....  PErhaps I will re-evaluate my budget and see if I can afford this place by myself.. I mean, every day I get even more bitter over this entire situation. I hope this is just PMS, but whatever it is...at this point, I just DON'T want to get married. 

WunderWoman WunderWoman
26-30, F
5 Responses Nov 16, 2006

>And while he is off working late or flying cross country for business trips, that is when you find your sexy, broke fun loving starving artist to just have fun with and satisfy you sexual. <br />
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Sounds like you have all the wrong ideas about marriage, lady... Maybe, you really shoudn't get married, it will only turn out to be a huge disappointment.

turn back before its too late

Sorry to say this sweety, but you sound like my wife... she proposed to me and we went through with our marriage and I loved her and still do. I am not successfull, but her world revolves arround money and her credit rating. We are now seperated after 2 years with a 9 month old daughter. Marry your money or where you get your security from because you obviously dont feel he could give you your mansion. <BR><BR>The best things in life are not things!!!!

Sounds like you have issues to resolve before marrying anyone would be a wise move. At least be honest with those involved, especially your fiancee. It just is never easy, is it?

Amazing story. Thank you for sharing. I hope just writing it down has helped you think your thoughts through a bit better.