I Feel Like Somehow I Am Doing An Injustice...

To society. There is nothing wrong with wanting children, or not wanting children, however some seem to think there is with not wanting them. An in cases, I see that people have a beautiful light and joy about it, and they do not want others to miss out. Other people want to force misery on the childless, so that they feel better about their not-so-secret misery. Either way, one party should not attempt to convince the other that they are right. We are each right in our respects. We need people to have, and abstain from having, children to balance the earth. I wish I could go back in time and tell my husband I really thought I would never want kids. He really does and we did discuss it prior to marriage, but we remember two very different conversations. I feel like I'm holding back a special thing from him - but even that does not make me want to have them. My mom was never the same after her second child. They say you become who you really are as you age - and my parents should have not procreated. Verbal abuse is widely accepted in the family, then everyone wonders why no one wants to hang out with them. I'm did not escape this talent, so I don't want to do to a child, what was done to me. I think that is a good enough reason as to why I don't want children, yet people are constant with the, "you'll change" and "it's different when its your kid", and maybe it is true for some - but then explain to me why it wasn't different for my parents when I was the child, or their fathers when they were children, or all the adopted/unadopted/abused/mutilated and trafficked children why their parents didn't get magical feelings of the world being a wonderful/magical/special place when they were born. How unfair is that? And I would love to adopt chdren of a certain age, but that is another rant for another time.

For the record, I'm 30, married 5+years and never got the maternal clock ticking thing. Many times I pray my clock ends early so it's no longer a discussion. I - more than anything - dont want my husband to look back and regret that he married me and could have married someone else that would give him kids.
Zelda2 Zelda2
3 Responses Dec 3, 2012

There is nothing wrong with not wanting children! I have 2 children but I had them when I was ages 19 and 25. I was young and thought I could handle it. I don't regret having them, but I do think that if I hadn't had them so young I would have changed my mind later on in life. I was so exhausted after having my second that I knew I couldn't handle more children. If I hadn't had them as young as I did, I probably never would have had children. I was young and naive and thought that things "just work themselves out" and "love conquers all". I remember my family thinking I should have more children because "I was still young and healthy". Ummmm, no. I told them I was DONE DONE DONE because I finally realized how much time, money, and work they take. They are much older now, and it has gotten a lot easier, so you couldn't pay me enough money to go through babies and diapers and crap ever again. I am finally enjoying freedom. If you can enjoy the freedom of being child free your entire life, then why not? Not everyone wants children and I think that's perfectly understandable! I know I sure as hell don't want a baby ever again so I can understand how you feel that way! It's not roses and unicorns like some people think!

Thank you Jenna!

There is nothing wrong with you. If you do not want a child that is good you recognize it before having one. Many people live very happy lives with out ever having children. Some people don't understand that, I am sorry if they give you grief. Perhaps it would be better to keep private your choices. After all there are many things in a marriage we don't share with others as it is none of their business.
Too often people feel that they must be helpful and in trying to be are ...well shall we say a bit a pain. Take a breath and relax. You are just fine making your own choices in this. Hugs