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I Don't Want to Give Up

Marriage Problems

By: lostinlove32
Written on April 17th, 2012
I have been married for 12 years and I love my wife dearly
For the past 9 months she has been going out with her friends to the bar and staying out until 3-4 in the morning
I have spoke to her about this she tells me that she needs girls time
She has promissed me that she would stop and she did we started going out together always home by 11 or 12
This past saturday she told me that she going shopping with her friends she left at 3 in the afternoon told me she would be back in couple of hours at 10:00 that night started getting worried so I tried calling on her cell phone which she did not answer. She ent me a text saying she was on her way home that was at 1 in the morning she came home at 4:30 and went to bed the next I wanted to talk with her about what was going on and how she hurt me and disrepected me and she said she was sorry that I felt that way but not sorry that she lied about going out saying that she needs to go out and be with her friends
I then told her that I do not want to live this way anymore and she agreed to selling the house and getting a divorce.
I left the house and went for a drive to clear my head and try to figure out what to do next
I came home to her making the same promisses that she had already made
I don't want my marriage to end
Please give me some advice on how to move forward
By: lostinlove32
Age: 41-45 , Male
122 people have read this story

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4 responses
  • summersterling
    summersterling

    I am rather young, but it seems she isn't even pretending to have respect for your feelings. If she refuses counseling, maybe you should separate. Sounds like she's testing the waters, may be thinking the grass is greener on the other side. I used to act this way in casual dating relationships and it was because I just didn't care that much about the other person's feelings. I wasn't committed. I was so selfish. I never cheated but there are so many other ways to be cruel.

    She is probably enjoying the attention she receives while out. Flirting with random men can be flattering. Maybe she is feeling taken for granted at home. Women need a little spark and excitement. Try doing something totally out of the ordinary. Surprise in the way that makes her question if she does in fact know all sides of you as she thinks she does. This doesn't excuse her behavior, but if she has up until now been a good mate, its worth a try. People get bored and feel unappreciated after a while. Read some relationship books. Five love languages has a sensible premise. If this is a pattern of behavior then you would be better off cutting your losses. Don't compromise your self respect.

    Apr 21, 2012
    1 like
  • mel75
    mel75

    Hi Lostinlove,

    If you really want this marriage the only thing you can do is stay put and try your best to make it work. Perhaps this new bevaiour will pass and she will see you for the loyal tolerant man you obviously are. Lots of marriages go through bad patches and its only patience and commitment that see they survive. There are no quick fixes. Will she consider counselling or is she content with divorce, Give it your best shot if you still want it to work. My only worry is you will continue to be hurt and disappointed - you might be in for a long haul.

    Mel

    Apr 17, 2012
    1 like
    • lostinlove32
      lostinlove32

      Thanks for the advice that basically what I have been doing but now its the lying to me that hurts the most

      Apr 17, 2012
      1 like
    • mel75
      mel75

      yeh.... It will, in my experience marriage hurts full stop. But perhaps that hurt will ease and you can learn to trust again. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.

      Apr 17, 2012
      1 like