I Don't Want to Give Up
I don't want to give up. My husband is not working. I have blown through my 401 K, my savings, my mad money. I have a mother that is sick in the hospital. My home will probably go into foreclosure. I just can't accept it. My husband has made finding a job a business. And still nothing. My heart is breaking in two. I have a job with alot of pressure and I feel like I am going to explode. I wake up and go through the day acting out my life. I know there are others that have worse going on. But there are so many entaglements in my life that make it necessary for me to live where I live and keep the house I have. I feel like I might as well be dead. Then everyone would stop relying on me and for a fleeting moment I imagine it. AND then something screams inside of me fight. I don't want to give up. And I go on another day. Another day of work, worry and everytime the phone rings and it's a creditor wanting money I pray it's someone calling my husband for a job. It's like a bad twilight zone movie. Or Ground Hog Day from Hell! I have always been a fighter but I just feel whipped. I don't think I can take it if I lose my home. I feel broken inside. I don't think my marriage will survive it either.
