The Death Of FunAt one stage of my life I used to enjoy writing short stories and drawing cartoons. Stories were especially fun because the thrill of thinking up of an interesting story made my spine tingle. It made me think: "Nobody has ever thought of that before! It's completely new!" But the older I grew, the more critical I had become of myself. I had seen other, more complex story writing before and I thought to myself how dumb my stories really looked. They were so childish and totally unbelievable. When it came to drawings I used to love drawing new and weird looking cartoon characters. At one point I loved pokemon so much that I tried inventing my own pokemon. But... kids soon stopped drawing out of pure imagination because... well they didn't want to be kids anymore. Not because they wanted to be more like adults but because they were afraid of what their peers would think. Well... I know that was the case with me. Then at some stage they taught us to draw portraits and encouraged us to draw more realistically. That was the death of drawing for me. I still try to draw to this day but it's more painful to draw than it is to not draw. I take some joy out of accurately drawing something but it's not creativity as I remembered it. My final outlet for my imagination was reading. I always love a good story. But.. at some point I decided fiction was a collosal waste of time. Impractical, I thought.
Soon, I lost my capacity for self-ex
At that stage I was almost in a state of pure bliss from all the chemicals being released in my brain but I was still in a state of depression. It wasn't until I started setting small goals and allowing myself to feel rewarded for completing those goals did the depression finally end. At that point I knew what it was like to feel pure joy and that joy has never left me. I realised that I don't have to do anything to be happy, I don't have to be anything at all. I'm an example of the kind of suffering kids have to endure today because of stupid adults that don't treasure children for the brilliant beings that they are. Kids should be kids, they should be allowed to express themselves the way nature intended. All of my childhood was spent trying to be some needlessly complicated adult and now that I'm an adult, I just want to be like a child again.