I Feel Numb All The Time

For the most of my marriage i have felt like a robotic person.. moving only when told to and making only motions of movement that has been needed..
everyday i wake up and everyday i go through each waking moment as a struggle of a motion to inspire the next.. a motion not to do anything..no motivation..no drive..need a change and not go through the motions anymore.. maybe i will learn to smile again..

At first i did this to please everyone and in turn i disregarded myself..it only became a routine..and then and now its a RUT I AM IN....

i want to know the feeling of happiness inside..feeling the brightness and what makes a person tick..i do not feel alive anymore...i have rutted out...I dont want to do this just to get through the day because everyone says its the right thing to do...its not.. emptiness is not the right thing to feel or have..

I want to wake up and want to smile..have a good feeling inside..want to do something because i can not because someone is telling me its right and i am robotically recorded to do this.....

I am working on not being robotic anymore going through the motions will take time to go away..but i will do what i want and at my own will...courageously working hard at this...
dreamcatcher60foru dreamcatcher60foru
56-60, F
Dec 9, 2012