This Life Of Mine

i just don't see a road happiness..i am 41 alone and always will be. its not that i am ugly to people or that i am a ugly person inside..its just that i may as well be..cause in this world those people are never alone..they have children..they have a husband...they have a life. no one i know can take me saying this to them...so i am that much more isolated. As i write this i am full with the thought of how ******* pointless it is...how no one can or will help you...how the perfect enviroment always surrounds a person who will commit suicide...people may fear it but they can't confront anyone on it...they sit in silent hope that the one they love will find a way to make it through...nobody can stop suicide...i realize that because..as i am in this state of mind i can tell nobody thinks it will come from me...maybe they are right. i don't know...but i know my life is passing me by...and i know it will continue to...everything i can do to change it makes me a ******* in the eyes of those who count on me..i wish i could be happy..but its becoming clear to me that i will never really be happy...i am expected to be happy with little to nothing to keep me going..i mean really do the people who love me think this is enough for me...do they really think i can sustain happiness like this. i wish i was never born...i can't tell you how disappointed i am with they life i've been given and am living..my younger brother took his own life at 27..it had a profound effect on me...i mention it because i want to be honest about my influence and what might help lead me there. but truthfully it has nothing to do with him...except this..i think he saw a hopeless path as i do now...things haven't changed they only got worse...i think he saw that coming..i think he wanted no part of it...i think i feel the same way.
balmoral balmoral
41-45
1 Response Sep 24, 2012

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