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I Messed Up

     I am a 24 year old women who is married with 2 boys. I have the most wonderful man in the world. I have done so many htings wrong that i don't even know why my man is still with me. Everything i did i told him dispite the pain i knew it was going to cause me, but more importantly him. One day my husband and i got in a huge fight over my best friend that he thought i was sleeping around with. I told him Honestly every time that he was just a friend. i have known this friend since high school. The problem my husband has with him is that my best friend is also an ex-boyfriend. You see my best friend and i met freshaman year of high school. He and i were the basic nerd duo that would do anything to get into trouble. You name it we did it together from flashing, mooning, pulling pranks, just anything your typical guy and girl best friend duo can do.

    Eventually my best friend and i started to notice that we had more than a friendship connection. I asked him out and he said yes. I know i am going on about my ex/best friend but it does have a point. He and i had a ball. he waited on me hand and foot, anything i wanted he got it even if i told him not to or he didn't have to. He made me so happy. Then after still doing our crazy nerd things, we grew closer and closer to the point we finally let our naughty emotions get the best of us. we were 15 when we lost our virginity to eachother and trust me the night was amazing. Not many woman can say that they were happy when they lost there "innocence". We now did everything before plus have sex and i am not going to lie, i was in heaven with my ex/best friend. Then after an almost 2 year realationship as bf an gf, he ended it. He said he was scared of the commitment. I told him that i wasn't wasking for any commitment. I just wanted the relationship we had.

    He insisted on ending it but still remain best friends. He wanted to be sure he can handle a commited relationship before we continued ours. I agreed and he and i are stil best friends to this day. i also met my husband in high school and we are one of the few high school sweetheart relationships that are still going. My husband and i have been married for almost 6 years but together almost 7 years. During this relationship i have ****** up immensly. My hubby and i have seperated 3 to 4 times due to my crazy wants and changes over the years. First time we argued, i went out after the fight to a bar with some friends (guys included). I got drunk and kissed another man. I told my husband and of course we fought again, but we worked it out and stayed together.  5 years later my ex/best friend and i get in contact with eachother again and we start to hangout again. My hubby was ok with it until i started feeling old emotins of love for my ex/best friend.

    My hubby and i started arguing about it and decided to seperate again This process happend at least twice. During those seperatioon periods i went back to my best friend as a gf. He just wanted me happy but was still working on commitment issues, which again, i wasn't concerned about. My hubby and i would still talk to each other and try to work things out for our sake, but more importantly our son's sake. My ex and i split agian but still remained friends and my hubby and i got back together. I was still able to talk to my ex/best friend afterwards. Then the killer day happened. My hubby and i got in another fight, i left to a bar and got a little buzzed with my ex/best friend. He and i went on one of our typiclal cruises around the city. We got to talking and old emotions flared and we ****** in his car. I came home not trying to mention  what just happend and my hubby noticed my shirt inside out. Yes all hell broke loose because i just cheated. He told me i can never see or speak to my ex/best friend again. i of course didn't want to do it, but agreed reluctantly only if i could tell my ex/best friend. 

    I did and have been holding on to him even though my hubby  said not to. I Love my hubby but i am still in love with my ex/best friend. I have royaly messed up my relationship and marriage with my hubby due to this. I don't want to let go of my hubby or my ex/best friend. I love them both, both in there own way and for there differences. I honestly know that i can't live without either of them in my life and that i want to have both of them at the same time. This is the story behind my first story. If you have any advice on what i should do, please feel free to share. Thank you for reading.
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CuriousK CuriousK 22-25, F Oct 8, 2010

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