But What If It's For The Best

He is in my heart and in my soul.  NO matter how much I want to let him go, I just can't.  I feel as though I will die if he's not in my life.  Yet how can I ever be happy.  He doesn't want a relationship.  I'll never find someone who wants me in his life forever if I keep this one in my life.  But how to move on?  Each time I've tried I feel a part of me dying.  I think maybe I don't have to let him go, but if he holds my heart, how can I ever give it to someone else?  Why do I keep believing he'll change?  How long do I think I can wait?  Would it be settling if I did?  Why do I care so much about his happiness?  Why won't I believe him when he says he'll never let me get that close again?  Because his actions don't match his words.  And if I was to look solely to his actions, I'd see that he is as confused as I am.  He doesn't know what he wants.   Or better yet, he too doesn't want to lose me but he doesn't want to keep me either. What's a girl to do?
seekinglover seekinglover
56-60, F
1 Response May 7, 2012

I could have written this myself! I know, my ex has left me twice now for no real reason other than I he has emotional communication issues and I think he got scared and ran off because he isn't ready, yet I can't completely let him go, I keep hoping with time he will come back when he is ready, he still wants to be my friend and has said he doesn't plan on dating anyone, why would he even say these things if he didn't still feel for me? He never said he stopped loving me...<br />
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I am so torn, should I try to win him back, just to have him leave again? Should I be his friend even though I'd be lying to myself being just his friend and heart broken whenever a new girl comes around? Or should I let go and lose him forever?<br />
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I have no idea, part of me wants to just let go, he isn't ready, am I insane to stay and just get hurt more!?<br />
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But I still love him and part of me is scare of losing him for good, not having him in my life at all.....I hate that I am put in this place to decide, I just hope whatever happens it all works out<br />
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Good luck and stay strong!

Get out now! You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't wait on someone who isn't making you a priority in his life. There are so many men who will make you a priority. Don't waste the best years of your life waiting on someone. Please take my word for it. You deserve to be loved completly!