Abit Personal..

im quite hesitant to write this, as i know its quite personal, but i know if i dont i will just explode because there is no one i can talk to about it. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 11 months, we are both seventeen, young i know, but i do feel like we are meant to be. Over the past two months we have had some difficulties; as a result of my past (not going to go into that, too long) i have developed alot of insecurities, and was devestated when i found out that my boyfriend had been lying to me about past relationships and fantasies of other girls. Naturally, i was hurt, and lost alot of my self confidence that i had been gaining back. Not noly that, but i lost a great deal of trust for him. But, we worked through it, and i have tried my hardest to move on. It still affects me but i think i am managing my feelings over it a lot healthier. However, today, my boyfriend demanded that we met up, as he had something to tell me. He told me how in the time we have been together, he has been going onto flirt and chat sites, and has been talking dirty to alot of other girls, whilst wanking over them. Has been adding girls on facebook and doing the same via chat. I dont know how to feel, is this normal? i feel so rejected and hurt by it, why cant he do any of these things with me? why has he been lying to me, i never even considered the possibilty of him doing this! but whilst writing all of this, i still wonder, am i being pathetic. is this something i just should accept to be part of relationships? He has some issues aswell, like bad addictive thoughts, and i know its not all him, but i have this enormous pressure to help hm through it, on top of my own pain of having to handle more and more bad news. How many other things has he not told me?
Despite all of this, the hardest thing im ddealing with is, what if he decides to leave me for one of these people? or, what if i cant handle it anymore? i want this just to disappear! i love him but i dont like being hurt, i dont like finding out these things, but i dont want to drive him away with my pain from it, i dont want him to think im pathetic and leave me!
I dont know what to do, i feel stuck in my emotions, if i show im hurt, will he hate me? if i dont show it, wilk he think its acceptable and fall in love with another girl on these sites? i assume thats what they are for, he told me one of the names and i did some looking around and its like a sexual dating site. But why would he have the need to go on them if he loved me? If he were attracted to me? God, im so scared, i dont know how to act and i just hurt so much :-(
simbaninja simbaninja
18-21, F
1 Response May 20, 2012

You aren't alone. I have had similar issues with my boyfriend and he is 30. I find it very hard to trust him because he even started texting and I think video chatting. I personally feel it is a form of cheating. There is intellectual or emotional cheating and physical cheating. I am not sure what you should do because I myself am still struggling to stay or go. But I can tell you that the situation of feeling hurt all of the time like we do is unhealthy and we need to figure out how to place the blame appropriately. I am always the one to accept the blame in our fights and I never tell him when he has made me angry because when I do he blows up like I just started world war 3. I really hope he stops doing that and I hope that you are able to be happy. I don't know if this helped and if not I am sorry.