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Would It Be Best?

i have been in a relationship on and off for the past 5 years. We have been engaged for about one year, and i am currently 5 months pregnant. i am absolutly inlove with him, but larely i have been asking myself why?! we have been having problems for the past year or so... we now have no communication at all between us, we can be sitting next to eachother for hours and the most that might happen might be "where is the remote?" its pathetic. we used to go out to dinner, movies, for walks, anything just being together was great. now im lucky if i get a minute of his time out of the day. and our .."alone" time is no none exsitint. i know he lies to me, and now i cant truse him. i dont want to lose him, but im afraid that its happening...slowly. i want to keep our little soon to be family together of course. i know all these changes arent becuase im pregnant they have started why before so i know thats no excuse. but im misearble!!! i try to talk about how i feel, and he blows me off. but when it comes down to it, and i make a stand and tell him how it should be or im gone..he turns it all around and "poor him" then i feel guilty and like im the bad one..  its  like a big continous run around..and im tired and cant run no more! i dont want to lose him, but would it be for the best if i did?
Yme2007 Yme2007 22-25, F 5 Responses Apr 15, 2007

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I had a relationship like that. If you think about walking away, its a whole other world. Baby your child will either have to deal with an absent father, or you'll have to work it out having a baby daddy fighting to see him more than he does so you can feel like a better mother, or telling yourself that you're a good mother by getting partial custody where he only sees his dad on the weekends. You'll look forward to the questions like why don't you and daddy get back together? And you'll wonder why too. Fights will inevitably happen in front of that child causing night terrors where he screams in his sleep and the doctors can't figure out why. Fight, honey. Fight for that relationship until you and your therapist says there is no chance or repair. Do not give up. The 18 years of that childs life is in your hands and he deserves more than you just trying, he deserves to hear you say that it really was the fathers fault that it didn't work out. If he really is willing to give up on the relationship, remember that that is half his life inside of you. Please don't take away his rights to see his child because you are mad. I haven't gone through the courts for the 2 years my czhild has been alive and I have what could possibly be the perfect baby daddy and baby momma relaationship. I see his whenever I want, and so does he. When I lose my job, he is there for my son. And when he is having a tough time with money, I help him out too. I couldn't ask for anything better and its possible but I will never be able to say I tried as hard as I could.

Donna and Yme... you guys can not do this to yourselves..don't you see that you are miserable? why do you think the love is helping you? why do you think you're happy and that this is best for you? i just got out of a relationship that i drove myself in the ground tryign to save for the last year and time and time again failed.. and could never get him to love me like i needed him too.. nothing i could do.. i made myself sick with obsession and needyness.. and striving to be the perfect girlfriend in efforts for him to love me like i loved him.. but it was not going to happen... he took me for granted.. and for as long as i was merciful to his move he remained that way.. and i was merciful.. and pathetic and pitiful, and devoted, and consumed by him... i needed him. but when i realized that my relationship had more downs that ups, when i started disliking more things about him than i liked.. when i was living my life for him and not me.. i knew i had to change it. and i did.. and the minute i left him he groveled at my feet.. and for weeks he did.. for the first week i gave in and although stood my ground on the break up, we had sex, and i thought about gettign back together.. but then.. the fact that i had been so relieved to get out of the relationship.. to not have to pressure to be the perfect girlfriend.. or to have to strive to get attention from him.. or anyone.. to be free of the chock hold i put myself under to long for him.. when you let go.. you realize that life does go on, and you can live a life with out them.

I know what your going through I have been with this guy for about eight years I have been through hell and back to keep this relationship together. He has cheated on me a couple of times and I have took him back. He was told I cheated on him and kicked me out I really wasntwell we were apart for about 4 months and we have just got back together now he has found a new job about nine hours away. He use to come home every weekend now its every other and some times longer. I know he has found some one there where hes working he hardly ever calls me any more Im still living at his house payin the bills, and trying to make this work I love this man so much and there isnt a day that goes by I dot miss him. He is really the love of my life. I try to get the nerve up to just walk out but its really hard. I find it hard to go to work to eat or sleep all I do is think about him and hope things will get better. When I know in my heart they arent going to.

I NOW EXACLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. BY THE WAY MY NAME IS LUIS. RELATIONSHIPS LAST LONGER WHEN YOU STAY BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIED. AS MARRIAGE OR A BABY COMES THE WAY, GUYS ALWAYS CHANGE. GUYS NEVER TAKE A RELATIONSHIP SERIOUS. WOMEN DO. WHEN WOMEN FALL IN LOVE THEY WANT LONG TERM AND MEN ONLY WANT ONE THING. BUT GUYS TRY NOT TO SHOW IT. THEY DO EVERTY THING TO LOOK LIKE THEY LOVE YOU BUT WHEN THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT THEY GO INTO DUMB MODE. THEN YOU GET NOTHING BUT DRAMA IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I CAN GO ON. I LOVE TO TALK WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS. I KNOW ALL ABOUT THEM BE THERE AND DONE IT. YOU CAN IMAGINE. I'M SORRY WHAT IS HAPPENING TO BUT STAY STROUNG. HOPE I HELPED SOME.<br />
MY OPINON FOR WOMEN: WHEN A WOMEN SAYS TO A MAN I LOVE YOU, THEY MEAN IT FROM THE HEART. BUT WHEN THE GUY SAYS IT -BE REAL CAREFUL. I'M MAN AND I MUST ADMIT WE MEN ARE ALL DOGS.

okay here is a guess.. I have seen this situation before and seen it solved:<br />
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Maybe your boyfriend is affraid of becoming a father and marrying. I'm not saying a bad type of fear, but just the natural uncertainties that come with such big changes. Maybe that is why he avoids you, because you embody those things. He is running away from his fears of uncertainty :P<br />
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If that would be the case, he has to face the uncertainty and find a way to get his scary-*** over it and see the other side. The side of loving fatherhood and having a loving wife. Whats to fear about that!?<br />
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Does this sound plausible?