Torn...

Hes an amazing person. I can't put into words how much I appreciate just having him part of my life. His effortlessly positive viewpoint of life is contagious. The way he cares so deeply for his friends. The way he listens with no judgement. He just understands me. Sometimes I think he even understands me more than I do myself. Just hearing his voice seems to clear my head. For a while, when I had some pretty dark days, his laugh was enough to mend me. His late night phone calls and his timeless advice mean more to me than he will ever know. Hes an exceptional human being, and I say that with no delusion as I know him. I know his mistakes and his shortcomings just as he knows mine.

I've known him since we were kids. Whilst we had periods of not seeing or speaking to each other, just through busy lives, I've always been intrigued by him as a person. I'm now stuck in an impossible position. My best friend of many years is head over heels for him. While I know hes not as crazy about her he is still attracted to her. Hes drawn to her. They're not in a relationship, although they had a chat about thier feelings. He seems to think they're just friends, while she believes there is a future for them some way down the line. The whole time I've smiled. I've said all the right supportive things. I've tried my hardest not to allow my feelings to affect how I view both of them. I genuinely love them both so much. I value these people. They mean the world to me. But I can't help feeling the sinking feeling in my gut, knowing that I cannot express any of this. Everything would change. I would not only hurt my best friend and ruin our friendship beyond repair, I also run the risk of losing the guy I rely on so much. The guy that makes it all better. I physically or mentally could not take the rejection. Its neverending. Should cut contact with him? Should I ignore his phone-calls? Should I be honest with them?
collectingthoughts collectingthoughts
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

I can relate in that I am a guy this has happened to. I have a friend who told me she thought this way about me for years but only voiced it when her friend pursued me. My advice is to let go of your friends for a moment and focus on what you want; what you really want. After that, the question will no longer be 'what' but 'how'.

Life is a little too short to not get what you want.

Thanks so much for commenting. It means a lot. Its interesting to hear you were in a similar situation. How did it affect the girls friendship after she revealed her true feelings for you?

I get the logic in what you're saying, but my best friend is literally like a sister to me. It would crush her. I don't know if I could do that.

My situation may not be the same as yours as I plan to be single in my life. When L told me about her feelings, we were at a friends function, I immediately took her to her home so we could talk in private. We talked about her feelings for me, when they started, and how we didn't want our mutual friend E to get hurt or deceived.

In the end, it didn't matter what either of the women wanted as it was my choice, I told them both individually and finally in union that I plan on being single. In your case, I believe it is up to your male friend. You can ask him how he feels about your best friend and beat around the bush. Or you can open up and be vulnerable to him (to an extent) and tell him how you feel and tell him whatever choice he makes you will approve.

Once again, life it too short to not go after what you want, we always tend to regret what we didn't do over what we did do.

Thank-you for your input. It does help me. I will think about it seriously. I can't make him feel or think a certain way, just as I can't help the strong feelings I have for him. The heart wants what the heart wants. And I guess your right, not knowing what could happen would drive me mad. I'd never be able to let it go. Thanks for sharing your experience too.