I Don't Want to Lose Him
I am scared of losing my best friend.
He is everything to me and the universe brought us together after 21 years of bullshit.
Now I am scared of losing him.
He is a virgin and I am not.
Hes never been in a relationship and I have.
We both have the same true love for each other but we let our minds wander and over think.
He expressed to me that his mind is conditioned to think dirty thoughts about girls, because he has always thought of sex as a materialistic thing. Hes not eye ******* them by any means, but he wants to experience other girls. I understand, I'm his first and only at this moment. He is ok with the open relationship idea. That if you take someone home and sleep with them its ok, because over all he loves me and they are only a worldly pleasure to him.
I completely understand where he is coming from. I trust him and he trusts me with everything in our heart and soul, knowing we were made for each other. The only thing is this idea is not even remotely ok in my mind. When I think of true love I think of someone who will throw out all worldly and personal materialistic desires for the true love of what the universe created. I kinda freaked in my mind for a minute in the conversation because the thought of him ******* another girl made my heart break. I wish I could be ok with it but I am not. I told him maybe we should not be together (because im a girl who jumps to conclusions), and he was not about the idea, but once rethought he was open to taking a break.
Bottom line..I dont want to take a break or even think of one passing second without him. I know what we have is real. I went through 4 years of horrible relationship karma and 2 long years of being single before I stumbled upon him, never saw it coming. But I want him to have his freedom. He is so use to being independent and free, and I feel like I may be pressuring him to stay in this relationship. I wish things could be different in both our minds but I know that will never be, and I will never try to change that.
I just dont know what to do...the thought of loosing the spark in my eye kills my heart.
But I also care about him so much that I would be willing to let him fly free if that is what makes him happy. Breaks my heart just thinking about it, but I'm just going to put all my trust into the universe. If there is a will, there is a way. Whats meant to be will be.
He is everything to me and the universe brought us together after 21 years of bullshit.
Now I am scared of losing him.
He is a virgin and I am not.
Hes never been in a relationship and I have.
We both have the same true love for each other but we let our minds wander and over think.
He expressed to me that his mind is conditioned to think dirty thoughts about girls, because he has always thought of sex as a materialistic thing. Hes not eye ******* them by any means, but he wants to experience other girls. I understand, I'm his first and only at this moment. He is ok with the open relationship idea. That if you take someone home and sleep with them its ok, because over all he loves me and they are only a worldly pleasure to him.
I completely understand where he is coming from. I trust him and he trusts me with everything in our heart and soul, knowing we were made for each other. The only thing is this idea is not even remotely ok in my mind. When I think of true love I think of someone who will throw out all worldly and personal materialistic desires for the true love of what the universe created. I kinda freaked in my mind for a minute in the conversation because the thought of him ******* another girl made my heart break. I wish I could be ok with it but I am not. I told him maybe we should not be together (because im a girl who jumps to conclusions), and he was not about the idea, but once rethought he was open to taking a break.
Bottom line..I dont want to take a break or even think of one passing second without him. I know what we have is real. I went through 4 years of horrible relationship karma and 2 long years of being single before I stumbled upon him, never saw it coming. But I want him to have his freedom. He is so use to being independent and free, and I feel like I may be pressuring him to stay in this relationship. I wish things could be different in both our minds but I know that will never be, and I will never try to change that.
I just dont know what to do...the thought of loosing the spark in my eye kills my heart.
But I also care about him so much that I would be willing to let him fly free if that is what makes him happy. Breaks my heart just thinking about it, but I'm just going to put all my trust into the universe. If there is a will, there is a way. Whats meant to be will be.
By:
kandikitty12
Age:
22-25
,
Female
