I fell in love with a man 9yrs ago but was stupid and let him go because I didn't know how to tell him my Father had just come out of the closet. I thought he wouldn't like me anymore...stupid stupid..
I slept with the barman of the pub i started to frequent after that..& as a result became pregnant with my first child..we moved in with each other and started a life together..my thoughts always strayed to my love that i left..secretly I still sent emails to him..prob 3 times a year..I couldn't break the contact..& after 9yrs & 2 children I couldn't continue with my own form of punishment anymore and I left my barman.
I contacted my love and told him all that had happened & he helped me get on messenger..we talked about 4 times a day for over a month and decided we should meet again....wonderful..I felt even more in love...we had a wonderful time... I was sooo happy.....until.. he told me he was married..with two children and his wife is pregnant and he cant do it anymore.....
I was gutted..I have never cried or felt such heartache before...and still after all that I don't want to lose him....what an idiot...yes i so in love with love I didn't see...I still cant. Why do I feel it is my fault...and why do I still refuse to let go... stupid stupid...
I fight the urge to call..email..write.. every day..I have to let him go...I KNOW I DO....I have no right to this man..and his life. What he did was wrong but I cant blame him...I don't wanna lose him but he was never mine .... Stupid...stupid
I just hope i don't spend the next 9yrs thinking about loving someone who never thought of me other than just a shag he didn't have 9yrs ago.