Please Be Careful and Love Yourself First

Reading the stories here I feel like I'm watching someone standing on the edge of a building preparing to jump.

I know how good it feels to be in love (sort of) but the way you feel is temporary. You may love someone forever but as time goes by this intensity you are experiencing will change. And I see a lot of fear and anxiety in these posts and this is not good.

If you really want to be able to give yourself to someone 110% without risking catastrophic heartbreak and be a better, more intimate lover, don't be in his hip pocket. Step away a bit and make sure your own self esteem is not wrapped up in his feelings for you. Those feelings may change but if you are "differentiated" -- you have good self esteem and are confident about your own desireabilty then you can share intimacy and make love without fear.

If you fear he is not happy (sexually or otherwise) if you fear your own ability as a lover, if you fear you might lose him.......then you simply cannot experience the very thing you are trying not to lose because being together, making love you are never going to be fully with him in the moment.

If you get two people who are differentiated the sex, love and intimacy is AMAZING!

As strange as it sounds they love one another freely because they don't really need each other to feel complete.

Plus getting your heart broken leaves scars that make it hard to get yourself differentiated properly.

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3 Responses Feb 24, 2009

Such brilliant advice!

If I am reincarnated, I reckon I'll be the sort of person you are encouraging us to be. I have always been passionate, naïve and passionate but worn my heart on my sleeve.

Being that I am also self conscious, I spent my life scaring boys away because I wanted to commit too soon. I have to work very, very hard on being a little flippant and self confident in our marriage because I know that if I let myself go, I will go straight back in to that mode, which immediately gets him needing time out with mates.
Again, your advice is spot on, thanks for taking the time to reach out and help. x

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This is priceless advice and I agree...