I Don't Want to Lose Him

I Don't Want To Lose Neither Of Them...

By: winterheart

Written on October 6th, 2009

Yeah, I am one of those people that see it impossible to love more than one person at once, to give them total commiment, love and your heart yet I am one of those people. I do love more than one person no more no less than the other. Its not like half my heart loves one and the other half the other its my entire heart loves both if that can even be seen by other people.

One person I have been with for the past 5 years totally commited yet distant. I want to be with him yet I dont. I don't want to have children or marry him, yet I want him to always be happy even if that means compleatly destroying my own happiness. We've been together for five years and best friends for 12 years.

The other I've just met. It's hard to explain, I don't believe in love at first sight, but once I saw him I wanted to be there for him. Yes, hes HOT and RICH but that never cought my eye, it was the feeling of his presences. I felt alive, funny on the inside and beautiful on the outside. I want to marry him and have children with him, yet I don't want to leave the other cause I want him to always be happy and knowing he wouldnt be once I leave him.

One I can see the furture I've always wanted and the other I see a struggling furture that I already live and hate so much to where I just want to dissappear.

After 5 years, hes said once we break up we are finished yet the other says he would want to remain friends and still help me any way he possibly can.

Im selfish to want both and wish it to be true. I havent had sex nor even kissed the other since I've fallen for another, and its becoming difficult, but I want to forever remain loyal to both even if one betrayed.

What can I do. I listen to my heart it says do what makes me happy as my head wants to keep people happy as much I as possibly can without anyone hating me.

By: winterheart

Age: 18-21 , Female

1,565 people have read this story

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3 responses

Dreampirata

I feel you sister...

When i met the other man in my life i was with my bf for 5 years (knew him for 17 years) and the truth is that.... They fill you up with promisses that it will all be better just to keep us, show money and bling to attract us. But in the end it was all a set up and they revel themselves as psychos and obcessed people.

But as shamusamos said... its unfair for him and for you if you're only with him because you're afraid to end up alone.

Please, be careful. Browse my experiences if you want to know more details about my story.

I am happy with my boyfriend, cause after all he is the one i love. He's the best man in the whole world.

Oct 27, 2009
1 like
shamusamos

Did it occur to you that the first one that you have been with so long is nothing but a security blanket? You don't want to marry or have kids with him and yet you don't want to give the relationship up? You are comfortable with him and hesitate to move on because you would give up that security. If he is really your best friend he would want you to be happy.

Life moves on even tho you are too young to realize it yet. You have to look to the future. Pretend you are 45 and giving your younger self advice. Good luck!

Oct 8, 2009
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arkansaskat

good luck dear.. this is a difficult one.. just remember that old saying about the grass always being greener on the other side.. it really isn't.. once you get there you notice it's just as yellow and peed on as the grass you just left.. often even more so.. weigh this decision carefully.. very carefully.

Oct 7, 2009
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