Yeah, I am one of those people that see it impossible to love more than one person at once, to give them total commiment, love and your heart yet I am one of those people. I do love more than one person no more no less than the other. Its not like half my heart loves one and the other half the other its my entire heart loves both if that can even be seen by other people.
One person I have been with for the past 5 years totally commited yet distant. I want to be with him yet I dont. I don't want to have children or marry him, yet I want him to always be happy even if that means compleatly destroying my own happiness. We've been together for five years and best friends for 12 years.
The other I've just met. It's hard to explain, I don't believe in love at first sight, but once I saw him I wanted to be there for him. Yes, hes HOT and RICH but that never cought my eye, it was the feeling of his presences. I felt alive, funny on the inside and beautiful on the outside. I want to marry him and have children with him, yet I don't want to leave the other cause I want him to always be happy and knowing he wouldnt be once I leave him.
One I can see the furture I've always wanted and the other I see a struggling furture that I already live and hate so much to where I just want to dissappear.
After 5 years, hes said once we break up we are finished yet the other says he would want to remain friends and still help me any way he possibly can.
Im selfish to want both and wish it to be true. I havent had sex nor even kissed the other since I've fallen for another, and its becoming difficult, but I want to forever remain loyal to both even if one betrayed.
What can I do. I listen to my heart it says do what makes me happy as my head wants to keep people happy as much I as possibly can without anyone hating me.