Save Me From My Self

hi everybody, i'm an algerian young man, i'm 20 years old, a student and i'm gay.
i had never have a relationship or sex relationship with anybody in my life, because it is my biggest secret.

in august 2012, i met a man on chatroulette, he is from usa ,he is gay too.i told him about my secret, we love eachother, and he is my first love .
when i skype with him, i always cry because i want to be with him, so i'm always sad and depressed....i don't eat, i don't focus in my study i always think about him, i always cry in my room, i'm worried about my mind.

he can't travel for me because of some raisons, so i have to do it me.but i don't have money to buy a visa even to pay for a holiday....

and to make this pain stop, i made to biggest and the hardest dicision in my life ;in august 30 , 2014 if i still faraway from him ,i will kill my self, i can't live with such biggest pain in my heart , i miss him so much....
i know that my family and friends will be hurted,but if i'll be alive the only one person who is hurted is me , so i don't have a choice....." to be happy or not to be".
I do my best to join him and save my life, i am ready to be a genius for that and ready to be married with an american girl so i can go, i'm ready to do crazy things for my life.

the time is going faster and i want to save my life......i need help
hurtedboy hurtedboy
18-21, M
1 Response Dec 16, 2012

Killing yourself, over another person is NOT THE ANSWER TO YOUR PROBLEM.
I know you love this man, but you have to understand that things work out and dont work out for a reason. Maybe you feel such a strong attachment to this man because hes the only man you have ever confessed emotions to, or even knows your true identity. Before you make such selfish, awful decision to harm yourself, you need to try to be TRUE to yourself.
Im sure your friends and family would much rather you be gay the dead.
You can make it past this.
Im not gay so i dont have any experience with 'coming out' but im sure it will be a very hard thing to do. and people may be shocked. but they will learn to live with it.
And you need to learn to live with your true self to. So many opportunity will come your way if you be true with yourself. Maybe the man of your dreams is waiting for you where you live.
If you need anyone to vent to message me.
Dont kill yourself. That is awful.