And He Will Never Be Mine...

He's perfect; he's absolutely flawless. I don't understand how anyone couldn't see it. Everything about him is so amazing. He's so talented, kind, smart, and genuine. When we first met, it was love at first sight. I couldn't believe he was right in front of me. Everything I've ever wanted. I would do anything for him. I want to be his everything. He's amazing. I love him. But I hate that I love him because he doesn't love me. He never even gave me a chance. I'm pretty sure it's because my so-called "friends" made me seem obsessive and stalkerish. I hated how immature they made me seem. And now I'm paying the price for it. It's obvious they've never felt the way I feel because if they understood, they never would have done this. I would still do anything for him. I want to hold him, be there for him, love him until the end of time... but I guess it will never be. And it kills me. This is the worst pain I've ever felt. Worse than any emotional or physical pain I've ever experienced. In fact, the heartbreak is so bad that it causes me physical pain. I just can't believe the only one I've ever wanted... the one I want more than anything or anyone else... the one who means everything to me... will never be mine. I will always love him, but I really don't want to. It hurts me too much. It's all I think about. He's all I want. Keeping him happy... it's all I do. I could say so much more, but just writing this stings. So I cannot go on. He doesn't love me. I guess that's the end of it.
squirrelgirl77 squirrelgirl77
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 29, 2012

i know what you mean,it's almost like everything in your life has come to a standstill and whatever you do it just always ends up with the thought of him?Some part of you believe that soon he's going to realise your pain,and that, will bring him to you.You don't want to love him,because not having or knowing you probably never will just hurts too much.I have been there,I still am.Its been almost a year since I last saw him.I had to move away.I thought if I didnt see him Id feel less pain.And it helped,after a while I started thinking about him less.I sometimes do still,and sure it "stings" ,but just a little.I still love him,but I think that Im starting to realise that I "needed" him more than I love him.And by not seeing him for the whole year I needed to actually get myself together and do things for myself,instead of focusing my all on him.So Im okay now,and you will be too..just give it time.

Do you ... you know...conversate with him? I believe I just made a word up here... lol. You should try talking and stuff...