Im A Fool

well it all starts 2 yrs ago when i met john. i started working at my local pub he was a regular who was best friends with my boss.. at first i didn't find him attractive at all he was a big man with very little sex appeal. i was 23 and from what i have been told far more attractive than him.. one night after work we went on a night out and he was there we spoke all night and i started to see beyond his apperance tht night we slept together. he gave me his number but i didn't bother to call him as i thought it was a one off.. tht day he text my phone and i wasnt tht interested but he kept persisting till i agreed to go out with him. i went on a date and we got on so well we clicked. a few weeks later we was on holiday in portugal it all went so fast but i fell in love.. 7 weeks into this whirlwind romance he stopped answering my texts my calls and basically dissapeared off the planet then i heard he'd got bk with his ex i was distroyed.. then one sunday night he came into the pub and said he had to get bk with her as she was pressing charges against him for assult and that she was lying once hed got her to drop the charges he would be bk with me and that it was for us he loved me... so for 8 weeks he was living with his ex and then the day arrived all charges were dropped and true to his word we got bk together for 3 months we were so so happy then again the dissapearing act he was bk with his ex at which point you would think i'd walk away right.. nope. he went bk and forth for 1yr then on december 12th i found out i was pregnant at first he was so so happy said we'd be together then on new yrs eve i found out he was with his ex again i went and confronted him infront of her and everyone else blurted out i was pregnant after tht things went completly dwn hill we hardly spoke i was carrying his child then in march i found out his ex was pregnant with his baby i was due aug 8th she was due nov 2nd i was distraught i went through my pregnancy mostly on my own i saw him a bit but he didnt come to none of my baby appointments he went with her to hers.. then when i went into labour my birth partener called him he came to the hospital saw my little girl be born then left and i didnt see him for 2 weeks then he turned up at my house one night and saw her and tht was it he was smitten he was with me for 6mnths but in tht 6mnths he started to get violent he through curry at the wall a baby walker at my head and thicked my lip he smashed my hoover broke my door window but i could never leave him i was and still am so deeply in love with him the ex had her baby and i thought he was gonna leave me again to be with her but supprisingly he didn't he stayed with me and up and till 2 weeks ago i felt like there was hope we was gonna make ago of it and it would be a family for my baby girl but one night he dissapeared and then the next and the one after tht YES hes got bk with her. i kno hes no good my brain tells me to let her have him never have him bk you dont need him your better than him you deserve better but for some reason my heart is still beating for him i cant breath for the pain i feel so alone and so hurt.. im angry one minute to the point were i wanna kill him the next i look at my baby i just want him here with us im sure this isnt normal i love him so so much but i really really dont want to anymore.....

rebz rebz
4 Responses Feb 18, 2010

Hi its amazing how we all go through the same thing at time but in situation I had a miscarriage at 3 mths I was devastated, he came around a few times to check on me but he went back to his ex and married her I was so hurt it took me so many years to get over that,but try to let it go focus on your baby,and believe me time is a healer:) best wishes xoxo

I know this is over a year old, so I really hope he hasn't been putting you through more pain. You are so strong and I admire your perserverence, but its time that you let go and focus on your baby girl. Forget the bad memories with him, remember the good. Good luck, and thank you for sharing.

just drop him he das not love you he will neve lawe har for you

thank you its so hard its become almost adictive the rejection then the joy of having him back then the rejection, i dont want to be hurt by him anymore hes been calling again i darnt change my number incase he turns up least while on the phone i kno hes not mad or going to turn up my heart breaks but i kno he will never change and me and my beautiful little girl deserve so so much more