Does My Bf Really Care About Me?


My bf can be sweet, but he can be such an *** too! Every year he goes and visit his family in his home country, Pakistan.
Last year he went for 4 months, this year he left on New Year's Day - for 2,5 months. I try every year to make him stay, just for once he please doesn't go, so it would make me feel important. He just doesn't seem to understand how much it hurts.

My family says he takes advantage of my love for him, of me being so sweet all the time. He doesn't help paying bills, I always have to help him out and pay bills too (he's self-employed). Sometimes he doesn't feel like going to work, so he stays at home and goes on a chatroom for Pakistani's or watch naked girls.
I never told my family about that last thing, cause they would tell me to just throw him out.
But I just can't. We have been through so much together. It was so great at the beginning, we are now 10 years together.
About my struggle with myself, my insecurity, he is sweet about that, lets me cry and talk...most of the time, and sometimes he is busy on the chatroom and just listens half what I say.
I ask him all the time, plz we go somewhere, just the two of us, out together, but he doesn't do that effort.

Sometimes he talks with this Pakistani woman, I don't know why, but I feel jealous, he talks to her and her kid all the time. I asked him about this, because it feels like they are a married couple, he says I'm crazy to think that, but I don't know anymore.
To other ppl our relationship seems perfect, because I hide everything, I pretend to be fine.
I already have some trouble with myself, my 'demons from the past', and this combination may have caused my depressions.

I don't know what to do with him, does he care about me, really? He can be sweet, but...I'm 31 years old and I'm just scared to be alone right now, scared I will never have kids, cause the time is really running out. First have to meet someone, then it takes some time to know each other, then it will be too late.
Just don't know.

Felt good at the start of this day, but I just came from my mother's place where I got confronted with her and my sister's anger towards him. This day started off good and was promising, thanks to some friends here I already made.
But now I just feel like crying, crying, crying! My mood changed completely!
I first doubted to tell this story, I have never told the complete story to anyone, but I thought I have to get this off my chest, before it destroys me!

kelly1981 kelly1981
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 5, 2013

You will need to look at the whole picture. Remember muslims will want to be with muslims. They will not take you as you are. It is your choice.

I know, I'm planning to talk to him when he's back. The waiting drives me crazy though, but we have to have a very good talk together. What he does with it, I will have to wait and see, it will give me the answer what to do with our relationship. Continue, or let him go. I have to do something, if I want to be happy, have to do this for myself, and for him too. There's no point in staying unhappy with each other if there is no way to work things out. He at least gave up on trying to convert me. It wasn't as forced as some others do, but still...We've been together for so long, it's something we really have to think about, what we want from each other. Will see what happens...

If your gut is telling you something is off, it's because it probably is. I understand that you feel that time is running out, but think about how much more time will be lost if you invested in a relationship that went nowhere.

I know. I have to talk to him when he's back. Will see what he does/says. That will give me my answer.
But really want kids though :-)

Absolutely @ Frenel.

Just wished I saw the signs sooner...Guess I was in denial :-(

It hurts when we find that we are used. It hurts very much.

Yes it does, a lot! Only I have the power to make my own happiness. Thanks both of you. Helps a lot!

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