I Dropped Out of College
I failed out of the best university for the field in my country (Im not from the US), and I feel quite overwhelmed by it. Me and my environment had high expectations, that I will be a successful undergrad. aiming to belong to the top 10% of my class. I am ashamed, that I failed after almost 2 years of college, and Im too embarrassed to face myself. The reason for this is that I was too immature to evaluate the workload properly and I was not ready for it 2 years ago. I feel so stupid looking back.
Once I failed in that course, I cannot reapply to my university anymore. I am trying to stay positive and implement positive thinking patterns which I find exhausting as Im drowning in self-doubts. I feel alone and depressed, seeing others moving closer to a brighter academic future, while I am being left behind. I can't sleep during the night, I can't seem to function, my apartment is a mess. I get nothing done.
But somewhere under all these negativity and doubts, my ambition and belief, that I CAN pursuit a great career and lead a successful life is still there. At times I feel more energized to get out of bed. But then again, that brick of unbearable heaviness knocks me back down into the dark.
I am planing to go back to college this fall 2013. I have 5 more months left to prepare myself for it. The 2 years here provided me with great tools I can use and knowledge about college education I didn't have (my parents are immigrants, Im the first person to attend university) before. However thinking, that I already wasted 2 years, that I need to make up for, creates instant pressure on me to perform perfectly on my second try of a uni degree.
My problem is how to overcome my "emo-ness" and start to take action. I feel isolated, have no friends because this whole thing completely destroyed my already low confidence, plus Im ashamed of it. I am grateful for any comment or advise.
Once I failed in that course, I cannot reapply to my university anymore. I am trying to stay positive and implement positive thinking patterns which I find exhausting as Im drowning in self-doubts. I feel alone and depressed, seeing others moving closer to a brighter academic future, while I am being left behind. I can't sleep during the night, I can't seem to function, my apartment is a mess. I get nothing done.
But somewhere under all these negativity and doubts, my ambition and belief, that I CAN pursuit a great career and lead a successful life is still there. At times I feel more energized to get out of bed. But then again, that brick of unbearable heaviness knocks me back down into the dark.
I am planing to go back to college this fall 2013. I have 5 more months left to prepare myself for it. The 2 years here provided me with great tools I can use and knowledge about college education I didn't have (my parents are immigrants, Im the first person to attend university) before. However thinking, that I already wasted 2 years, that I need to make up for, creates instant pressure on me to perform perfectly on my second try of a uni degree.
My problem is how to overcome my "emo-ness" and start to take action. I feel isolated, have no friends because this whole thing completely destroyed my already low confidence, plus Im ashamed of it. I am grateful for any comment or advise.
By:
cl12
Age:
18-21
,
Female
