I was supposed to be a freshman at the University of Kentucky this fall. I moved in yesterday. Everything was fine until my parents needed to go. We said our hard goodbyes and both turned to go our separate ways not being able to watch one another walk away. I got back to my dorm and realized how much I missed them. I knew this was normal and tried my best to suck it up and be a big girl for my sorority recruitment meeting that night. However, while sitting in the meeting I noticed my eyes began to tear up. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath refusing to let the other laughing girls see my pain. The meeting continued and the welling of tears and rising lumps didn't stop, but the smiles on the girls around me only seemed to grow along with the volume of their laughter. As the hour passed it became harder and harder to manage my emotions. A wave of relief went through me as the lights in the room dimmed for a presentation and I was able to release my tears in the safety of darkness. But as one physical sign of emotion becomes manageable another erupted in the base of my throat.
I have blood sugar problems and am used to throwing up and am more than familiar with the warning sides that come before. I could feel my throat start to close up and I began to panic. I was sure that leaving the meeting was frowned upon but I wasn't about to throw up in front of 1400 plus, fresh out of high school girls. I walked out of the meeting and just made it to a nearby trash can when my nerves came flowing out of my mouth. I didn't know what to do so I called my parents and begged them to please come pick me up, as this was a sure sign I wasn't where I was meant to be. They told me that they couldn't turn around and that I needed to just walk back into the meeting and continue on with my night. I reluctantly agreed thinking 'Well I've already thrown up and my stomach is empty, it couldn't get any worse than it already is'. But of course I was wrong.
After the sorority meeting there was to be a pizza party at my dorm. I would have loved to go but I could feel my throat tightening up again and I knew the impossible was about to happen. Again. This time I made it to a bathroom though. I headed back to my dorm shaking, tears in my eyes, bile on my breath. My body couldn't take this. I called my parents and spent hours begging them to come pick me up and take me home. Not even 24 after I had moved in, I was packing my stuff and moving out. They said being scared and nervous was normal. But puking twice definitely isnt.
SkinnyJenny420 SkinnyJenny420
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

I think it is normal, but you're right - taking it to the point of puking isn't. Do you have issues with anxiety? Maybe college itself isn't the issue. I never considered going to a university because of my anxiety - community college was always the answer, and it did me wonders. There, you don't feel like you have to be so involved...you don't have to be in a sorority to feel accepted, or live in a dorm and be forced to do group activities or live with a total stranger. You can make your own schedule and go to school for the reason you're there - education. Maybe college itself isn't wrong for you, but the huge Greek life, university experience is. Keep your head up!!

It's good you knew, then and there college wasn't for you. At least you didn't take any classes and all. Maybe you could take a year off, or transfer to a nearby, smaller college. Don't worry, you're not wrong to go through the emotions you went through.