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I Dropped Out of College

Too Cool For School

By: SirMugatu
Written on December 7th, 2009

...Not really. In fact, there isn't anything further from the truth. I dropped out because I see no future in my life. My life is going nowhere. I'm in limbo right now; between going on living with no goal in sight or dropping dead...seriously. I'll just drink myself silly, pass out in the dark, freezing night and hopefully not wake up the next day. I feel so alone right now. I've never really had any friends and hell, I've never been close to a connection in my life. My parents don't even know the real reason why I dropped out and boy do I not plan on telling them. I just couldn't wake up the next day. I just couldn't find any reason to get up and do the things that would normally keep me occupied during the day. Nothing really seemed worth it. Now, I don't want any sympathy. I don't want to sulk and give up. I just want a goal. A purpose. I don't really believe in God (well, not the kind that my parents invision). I don't believe that I have to wait and stare into the sky for a divine purpose. I don't believe in that. I believe that you have to formulate your own plot and work through your own self-designed purpose, but I don't know what I can do. I just wish I wasn't so lonely. I don't really know where to go. I just want to simplify my life at the moment. I just want to get a night job, make a few bucks for the future and hopefully I'll stumble upon something. Right now, I just feel like I'm wasting resources; food, water, paper, air!

Oh yeah, and I'm not sure who to talk to. Who do I talk to about stuff like this. Everyone's at school and I'm stuck at my parents' place. Who do I talk to about this stuff without making the other person uncomfortable, or myself for that matter?

By: SirMugatu
Age: 22-25 , Male
643 people have read this story

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4 responses
  • markpie
    markpie

    mugatu5000, I know your story is old, but iI have felt your emptiness all year.. I've wanted to kill myself all year, just because I hated the notion of college, was raised and trained and brainwashed to be an "academic" (only good at memorizing school bullshit for A+ grades), and felt like my life had no purpose as a result of the latter two statements. But I realized that college is a rat-race for the labor-minded sheep AKA our white-collar middle class. It only serves as a status quo.



    The entrepeneurs, self-employed, business owners, entertainers, artists, and writers have no reason to go to college. They learn from life's experiences, and are able to earn an income by doing what they love and living comfortably, or by working few hours in a basic job to fund their pasisons and to live frugally. Whether they live as wealthy people or as starving artists, these individuals live life to the fullest. The majority of the middle class is a slave to the system and to the almighty dollar.

    Jun 5, 2012
    1 like
    • SirMugatu
      SirMugatu

      Hey, thanks for your response.

      It's kind of funny, but now I REALLY regret dropping out. Now, I feel like I'm at a point on my life where I actually DO want to learn. I feel I've taken this whole "doomed to be alone forever" sentence in stride and wish I could do the live-on-university thing again. But alas, it's a little late for that. I blew it.

      Now I'm in a different college and I guess I like the field I'm studying but...I sometimes can't shake the feeling that it's all a gimmick. Some teachers feel so unqualified or like rejects from like real credible institutions. I feel like my high school teachers were more qualified (good to know government is ensuring quality). For example, my teacher for wastewater treatment didn't even have a chemistry background! Can you believe that! She was a smart, all-around good teacher, but her specialty was actually math but the college deemed her fit for teaching wastewater treatment, despite not having a good chemistry background. Sigh. At least my microbiology teacher was cool.

      And damn, don't forget about the ridiculous tutition costs!

      Jun 9, 2012
      1 like
  • LovelessDeluxe
    LovelessDeluxe

    I don't blame you. I'm on foodstamps going in and out of my broke relatives places. I had a serious drinking problem, was getting high, developed tinnitus, taking anti-depressants, AND seeing a counselor!! And that STILL DIDN'T WORK!! I didn't make any real friends in college, either. I was going to school 5 days a week for nothing I guess.

    The real world blows. I can't work, I can't go to school. F¥ck it.

    Dec 29, 2010
    1 like
  • passionfollower
    passionfollower

    I am also a college dropout, and I went through the exact same feelings of feeling like I was just wasting resources, wasting time, but what got me through it was my purpose. You don't sound pathetic at all to me, you sound like someone who has a desire to follow their passion but who doesn't know what the next step is.



    Well you know what you don't like-- school, being told what to learn and when to learn it. So now don't worry about other people, don't worry about the world, just think about yourself and what you love and want from your life, and get it. What got me through my "quarter-life crisis" was pouring myself into music, writing my first album, which I am still in the process of. Deep down you DO know what you want to do, you know what goal you want to achieve, but society has probably told you over and again that you can't do it. Well I'm not going to say it's "easy" to do, but once you find it and start to pursue it, you'll realize you never would have been happy any other way. You've taken the first step by freeing up your life, now just try something. At the very least, make some mistakes, that will give you a better idea of what you need to do next.

    Mar 14, 2010
    1 like