I Eat Raw Cookie Dough

I Have To . . .

By: MaryP5

Written on November 2nd, 2010

because the actual cookies are always crap. I just made a batch and they are ridiculously horrible. I can't make chocolate chip cookies. They come out flat and therefore too crispy and just all around bad.

This batch is for my daughter. Her birthday is tomorrow. I told her I was sorry, and it's just not something I've ever been able to do. She told me they looked great. At first, I thought she was being nice, then I realized, she's never seen a good chocolate chip cookie.

Now I know all of you bakers out there are itching to comment and tell me all of the things I did wrong. I've done some research on this already, so DO NOT tell me that my butter and eggs should be at room temperature before I start. They were thank you very much. DO NOT tell me I should chill the dough, I did. Do not tell me that I shouldn't put the cookie dough on hot baking sheets. Heaven forbid!! I would never do that. And do not tell me to add a box of vanilla instant pudding to the dough. This according to one website is the foolproof method to perfect chocolate chip cookies. Well, they haven't met this fool.

The thing is, this post really isn't about cookies, it's about failure and about keeping my heart safe. I have so many friends here that write so beautifully about their lives. You are open and truthful and wonderful. I hide in the shadows. I comment sometimes. More often, I will gesture or send a PM. I admire all of you so much for your bravery in facing the truth and sharing your hurts. I keep my hurts, disappointments and failures tucked away safe and sound. I'm a bit of a chicken (and btw, I can cook chicken. People have been known to moan in rapturous delight when they taste my chicken piccata).

So here it is. This is as open and honest and deep as I can get in public. I am a complete failure at making chocolate chip cookies and it really bugs the **** out of me.

UPDATE 10.08.2011

My kids have been bugging me to make chocolate chip cookies for them. I told them that I don't make cookies anymore, but they wouldn't shut up. So finally, I told them that I would buy the ingredients and they could make the cookies themselves. They said ok.

Their cookies turned out perfect. They look good, they taste good. They are exactly what cookies should be.

Sometimes cookies are just cookies, and sometimes the universe is trying to tell you something. I always worry that my children will be affected by my failures. That seeing me fall flat on my face at something will somehow guarantee that they will never succeed at the same thing. At this point in my life, everything that I do is a combination of loving them with everything that I am and letting them go to grow up to be themselves. Is that enough? There are a few areas in life where I have completely failed. Will they be strong enough to succeed?

Obviously, I won't know the answers to these questions for many years. What I do know for sure is that I can't make cookies, but my kids can.

By: MaryP5

Age: 41-45 , Female

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44 responses

2doerver

Then some more.

Apr 28, 2012
1 like
2doerver

Excellent idea, Mary!

Apr 28, 2012
1 like
- MaryP5
  Ok 3 spoons, then. :)
  
  Apr 26, 2012
  1 like
gotsalsa

I can definitely accept this troublesome news.

'cuz now I have someone to eat cookie dough with!

*ridiculously serious face, while gang signing you*

Apr 25, 2012
1 like
- MaryP5
  I'm pretty sure I have all the ingredients right here. I'll whip up a bowl and we can get two spoons and eat till we puke. :P
  
  Apr 25, 2012
  1 like
- gotsalsa
  -my thoughts eggs actly!
  
  Apr 25, 2012
  1 like
2doerver

Missy, that's true, but for me it doesn't tastes the same as raw dough.

Mar 14, 2012
1 like
MaryP5

Thanks missygirly, I will try that next time.

Mar 10, 2012
1 like
missygirly

How about if you just took them out a little sooner, than they would not come out so hard.

Mar 10, 2012
1 like
2doerver

That's my girl! lol

Oct 19, 2011
1 like
MaryP5

lol, yep 2doerver. We still ate our share of the raw dough, even with great cookies coming out of the oven.

Oct 19, 2011
1 like
2doerver

I still like the raw dough!

Oct 19, 2011
1 like
MaryP5

I hope. I always hope. Thanks geetar.

Oct 18, 2011
1 like
geetar39

This is a great ending. I know inside you must be proud and a little sad just the same. How's it feel to know....as a parent ....you are doing the right things. While you may not have taught them how to make cookies you did give them courage to try, the ability to solve problems, and the will to succeed. Maybe its just cookies. I bet its not, just cookies.

Oct 18, 2011
3 likes
MaryP5

Thanks 4ME60. *blushes*

Oct 18, 2011
2 likes
4ME60

Mary, reading your story, I think I just fell in love with you. This is beautifully written.

Oct 18, 2011
2 likes
MaryP5

Thanks TH. It was fun. I stepped out of the kitchen and let them do it all on their own. I listened in while I pretended to read. I was smiling the whole time. :)

Oct 9, 2011
2 likes
MaryP5

Real icing is the only way to go!

Nov 7, 2010
2 likes
2doerver

I also love the raw dough. Any cake or cookie is fine with me, as long if it is sweet!

Real icing = absolutely fabulous!

Nov 7, 2010
1 like
Jonnn

Just buy pillsbury cookie dough in the tube. lmao. the pillsburry dough boy is a great cook.

Nov 4, 2010
1 like
Scoobs57

:-D

Nov 3, 2010
1 like
MaryP5

HOLY ****!!!!!!! I'M BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov 3, 2010
2 likes
girlmcgirly

Yeah, he means, that what he does...he sits there and reads in his underwear. ;-P

Nov 3, 2010
1 like
Scoobs57

When you write just picture us all sitting here reading in our underwear. That's what I do. :-P

Nov 3, 2010
1 like
MaryP5

oooh, I like that - emotionally vulnerable. That's me, out there and open for all the EP world to see. :P

And I'm pretty sure the cookie gnomes are the same ones that take my kids' shoes from their closet at night (where they SWEAR they put them) and distribute them all over the house. Because my kids wouldn't lie. So it has to be gnomes.

Nov 3, 2010
2 likes
MaryP5

Maryryan, scoobs and fallflower - thanks for understanding. Cookies and I are not meant to be.

@Light55 - let's not waste perfectly good flour on a disaster

@Ironman - thank you very much. I will do my best to be more out in the open. But honestly, I woke up with regret this morning at leaving so many feelings scattered about last night.

Nov 3, 2010
2 likes
Fallflower

I like this story a lot. Enjoy not making cookies :)

Nov 3, 2010
1 like
Scoobs57

Bah, I'm with maryryan on this. Totally.

Nov 3, 2010
1 like
maryryan

It's actually great to be at a point in your life where you can realistically assess your strengths and weaknesses...and still like yourself. I can cook like nobody's business. But I can't make coffee. And you know what. It doesn't make me a bad person. If that's my flaw in life...I can live with it.

Nov 2, 2010
2 likes
Scoobs57

It would be nice, wouldn't it?

Nov 2, 2010
1 like
MaryP5

Not going there Texas, this mommy doesn't make cookies anymore. I have given my very best energy and efforts to this and none of it works. So I'm done. Just wish all of life's failures could be done away with so easily.

Nov 2, 2010
2 likes
Oldandgone

Your daughter loves you anyway and you CAN make things that are spicy and savory and you CAN make things that are soft and sweet. Sounds like a win to me.

(ok can't resist the cookie hint - back off the temp about 10 degrees F and cook for about 2-3 minutes less)

DON'T let butter be at room temp - colder=fluffier

look at this site for more hints:

http://www.dvo.com/newsletter/monthly/2002/november/remedy.html

or this one:

http://www.baking911.com/cookies/chocolate_chip.htm#Many%20of

Nov 2, 2010
1 like
destry

well, yeah! :P

*giggle*

Nov 2, 2010
1 like

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I Eat Raw Cookie Dough

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