Cushioned Chairs

A different Starbuck’s today, not a Starbuck’s at all, it’s called “The Daily Grind”. Located near a high school, it has yet its own crowd and personality. After ordering a Veggie Wrap and medium coffee, I proceed upstairs to where there is comfortable, cushioned seating. I look around and all the cushioned chairs are occupied. There is a cushioned couch with a man and his laptop seated directly dead center. Only slightly looking up at me, he courteously moves his place to the right and continues on with his work, almost like nothing has happened.  

When I first walked in I went straight to the restroom to wash my face and hands. I hate restrooms that have only blowers with which to dry. The idea of lowering my head (I am nearly 6’4”) and drying my face in such a contorted way I find very distasteful, almost humiliating for some reason. After washing my face and hands I look to dry myself and am relieved to see an actual paper towel dispenser. I push a button in its center and one paper towel is dispensed. I need six or seven, so I push it again and nothing happens. I wait ten seconds; push it again, and again, nothing. After a couple more attempts, I notice on top of the dispenser is a stack of paper towels. I grab five more and dry myself, and toss them in the trash. As I begin to leave I couldn’t resist pushing the dispenser’s button one more time and a single towel was dispensed. All ready for the next person.  

Big day today. It was my first meeting with my new therapist. When I say “new” it sounds like I’ve had several, but she is actually only my second and it has been several years since the last one. I interviewed/talked with a few on the phone first, but when I talked with her I knew she would work.  

I have to muster a lot of courage and look myself right in the eyes. I can only believe that if I focus with clarity on taking care of myself that “right action” will occur. By “taking care of myself” I mean create my own clarity, a sense of action. Declutter my mind of the things I can’t control. Know the things for which I am responsible. Be more aware of all things and take action in the right way as might be required.  

So, like I said, I had my first session today. Being self-employed my health insurance really sucks. Will someone please start an EP Experience “America’s Health Care System Sucks!” for me? Anyway, I was very appreciative, even touched that this therapist was willing to reduce her rate to the extent she did. During my phone conversation with her she told me her rate. I asked her what the best she do was and she gave me an answer. I told her I couldn’t afford that, but that I would pay her that amount for the first session and then we could each decide whether to continue form there. After we met she agreed to my suggested fee. It was important for me to have someone who was in it for more than just the money. I was actually moved by the whole experience, from phone conversation to the goodbyes of our first session.

IamIam IamIam
46-50, M
5 Responses Dec 5, 2007

That may be a good idea<br />
I've only just begun to feel this way in my life

SABRINA: Maybe you can give it another try? Especially if you sense you are in a "midlife crisis".

I didn't get much help from therapy... Wasn't in the midst of a mid life crisis then either.. I just recently feel like I got part of my life back and the thought of 'is this it?' is killing me.

I am still seeing her, yes, she has helped a lot. She stands up for me and has simplified the neverending "what ifs".

This was posted a while ago.. How is / did that work out? Are things clearer now?