The Scent of Pain
I am aware of the mystical and have had moments of mystical insight, but not to the extent my wife has experienced and is experiencing. What I am gathering is that she and this man have experienced a "shared awareness" that has profoundly affected them both. These spiritual retreats are purported to be an amazing catalyst for mystical experiences, another realm of existence/awareness. And that somehow they shared the "same space at the same time". So they experienced bliss as if they were one and the same, even their heart beats became synchronized.
And so she has been intrigued/drawn/overwhelmed by this profound experience with him. And perhaps admittedly confused by it to the extent she had a couple of weeks where she was in total love with him.
She says she has worked it all out, he is not what she wants, it is all reconciled in her mind, that I shouldn't worry about it, that she has absolutely no worries.
And I can tell she is not obsessed like she was.
But in two weeks she is going to be with him again. What even more profound experience might she have with him this time?
And to further complicate it for me, last summer she was consumed with him and when I addressed it said it was all in my head, there was nothing between them. Yet, just before she went to a spiritual retreat in the fall, she admitted that he was going to pick her up at the airport before the retreat and spend the day with him, and that she was going to spend the day after the retreat with him too, him driving her back to the airport. And that it had been previously arranged at the last retreat, where they shared their first "profound experience".
Upon her return from the fall retreat, she could not look me in the eyes, was illusive, and thats when I saw an email where she obviously felt madly in love with him.
It started out "After the last retreat, I blithely thought I could just put behind me what we shared, but now I know I could never feel anything like this for ****[me]...."
She even told him that for more than a week she hadn't washed the clothes she had worn when she was last with him, so she could continue to smell his scent on them/her.
So goes my pain....