All The Worlds MysteriesIn all the worlds mysteries, the hardest one to decipher is love in all its glory. Every human being thrives for it, even those who claim it to be overrated or unreal, they still, deep down wish it to be real. Wish to find it. It is times like these I sit here and wonder why humans want to love and be loved so much. Why it is is such a necessity to have such things.
But you know, with out love, the beauty that is all around us, would it be as beautiful? There are many different types of love, but the love between one man and woman (or just two people in general canceling out sex), but the love that only the two of them can feel for each other,...is it so powerful that the world can change. I have lived my life, believing that true love existed, that if you were given true love, that if you were able to find the one person you loved above all others, you would see the world in a light far different then you have so far growing up.
Yet why is it that when we look down in history, love is mixed with so many tragedy's. Why does it feel like people see true love as tragedy stricken. If there is no tragedy, there is no love. That is how it feels like anymore. Yet I can not deny that love becomes stronger in the face of obstacles, does it not? If love breaks so easy, then it wouldn't be love. Therefore, love is something that has been wrapped in blood and lust. A thing of tragedy and desire.
Funny thing is, no one believes in true love any more. I often wonder why this is. Because it has gone down in books that love can not be explained with words. That it is impossible to understand with anything but feelings. We come across someone, everyone is confused. To truly know or not whether you love someone. Do you have to have the need to die for them? Does that mean you love them will all your heart? The desire to have sex with them and only them...is that true love? If we can not express it in words, then to humans, there is no such thing. Such a beautiful thing can exist? People have become so hard headed, they wish not to believe something that they can not explain, that can not be proven with hard facts.
Science...a science world, so full so grand. Love is it as grand as the idea of God? If one can believe in God, can we believe in love? I'm not sure, I don't know whats true or not. I believe in God, and I believe in true love. Whether I find it or not, I believe that I have a soul mate out there, someone. I believe it may be the man I am with right now, because he makes me feel happy, calm, elusive. He drives me insane with his habits, with the fact that he doesn't get it. Yet, I love being driven insane. I think about him all the time, even with out noticing it. I have begun calling my friends by his name, on accident. I don't know if this is true love, but its as close as I have gotten. All I want is to be with him, in his arms, all the time. To be able to just be there with him as much as I can, and it gets harder to let him leave me every time I see him.
Maybe its because I don't see him very often, that I don't get to be held or hold him that much. Maybe with distance, I become more attached. I fear what my feelings would show if I get to be with him every waking moment, of every day. Even though I fear it, I am so very curious. Leaving him makes me fear going to the Navy...and so I become anxious.
I constantly wonder what he is doing, if he's okay. I often feel i'm not good enough, that he may get bored of me, and I just don't know why. Yet, I trust him despite how scared I get.
Love is a true mystery. So mystifying that it has followed everyone to their graves. It creates wars, deaths, revenge. So much hate is wound around love, yet why is that? Why is there such darkness in the thing that is claimed to be the most beautiful? With in the hate, the darkness, theres so much light.
People forget that life, is meant to be enjoyed. Love is selfish, but also selfless. I often fear the moment of loving someone more then someone else, because I dislike the thought of only thinking of that one person rather then both. If I had a chance, if the person I whole heartedly loved, and some person I didn't know, had their lives at steak...who would I choose. I don't like the thought of being selfish and choosing the man I love just because I want him to live. What about the other person, there are so many people who love him. Yet...love is so biased...its scary. Its why when ever I come across roleplaying as a phoenix character, they force themselves not to love...or they try to. Distance themselves so as to love all, rather then just one.
Its funny, God loves us all. He doesn't love one of us more then the other. So then...why do we have this true love? We are his children, is there someone at Gods side who he loves, he truly loves? I don't know, and I guess I shouldn't be so questionable. Life is funny. What is right and wrong? We fight and bicker about it, wasting our lives away crying over what we did or didn't do. Saying something we did was wrong, even though a mistake isn't always wrong. To know right, we must know what is wrong, yet we do not know either. We set standards for ourselves. Not knowing in certain circumstances, what is truly the right thing.
We are only human, living, breathing...laughing. Contemplating all this, is there a point? I often wonder that too. Its funny, life to me, is meant for each person differently. But, all are meant to enjoy it to its fullest. Make the best out of it. Create your life, be happy. Do not hate...hate is something that is so pointless to me that I just don't understand people who do hate. That is another mystery all on its own. We live for ourselves, and yet we are told to live for others. You live the way you want to live, but it is not to be mistaken, living for others is a way to live for yourself. Don't waste your life. Live and figure out what is right and wrong with your own hands and eyes. I would much rather live for others, then for myself alone. I understand that much. I want to help people, yet I am so selfish in itself, that I do not help anyone. Instead I hurt others...and become something grotesque. But you know...at least I see that in myself. I love myself regardless and I'm not ashamed of that. What I am ashamed of, is the fact that I can't break through my own walls and do as I want to do. Guess I have a long ways to go. In thought and process.