Can Someone Help Me Please?

I have this guy i love to death but we never been on a date before. because i live in the past of my parents as in when i was in 7th grade i had a lot of issues. my parents have (EMOTIONALLY ABUSE ME, THEY HAVE MADE ME LIKE NOTHING, THEY WOULD PUT ME DOWN A LOT). MY DAD STILL EMOTIONALLY ABUSES ME AND MY MOM PUTS ME DOWN. MY DAD WAS EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE TO HER ALSO. But how DON'T your live in that fear of getting beaten up by your parents. my dad chocked me out for 10 mins and my mom would hit and punch me she threw up against the wall. I did call the police when that happened. lucky i had a friend i could go to. So she called her dad in and he saw that i had a couple burises Because of the fight. So i called the police and they came. But my mom and dad got nothing. So i was the victim and the were the parents who hurt me. But no thing really happened. they got warning and it was like i was the brat who caused it all. Plus me parents were friends with the police so that what i think happened. But i Live in that constant fear of getting beaten up again. I NEVER FELT LIKE I BELONG IN THIS WORLD. MY PARENTS HAVE PUT ME DOWN SO MUCH. BUT WITH THIS GUY I LIKE HE MAKES ALL THAT HURT GO AWAY. HE MAKE'S ME FEEL LIKE I BELONG. I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE THE COURAGE TO GO OUT WITH HIM AND ALL THE FEAR WOULD BE GONE. AND I COULD START BEING ME. WITHOUT ALL THAT HURT. I WANT TO BE FREE OF ALL THE FEAR AND HURT. I'M SLOWLY GETTING THERE. BUT HE AND I WANT TO SEE EACH OTHER. WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE ME AND MY LIFE. WITHOUT ALL THAT FEAR. SHOULD I GO ON THIS DATE. AND FEEL THOSE FEELING I WANT TO FEEL WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE ME AND TO FEEL LOVED WITH HIM. I HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF THAT FEELING OF BEING FREE. WITH NO FEAR IN MY LIFE. I KNOW IN MY HEART AND HEAD I SHOULD GO BUT THAT FEAR LIKE TAKES OVER ME. I TOLD HIM A COUPLE OF TIME I WOULD GO BUT WHEN IT HITS THAT CERTAIN DAY I ALWAYS COME UP WITH A LAME EXCUSE AND TELL I CANT GO. i love this guy. and he and i deserve to be happy. well at least i deserve to be happy and free of the fear.

PS. (SHOULD I GO ON THIS DATE) I HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS WAY BOUT HIM. HE SAYS HE LOVES ME ALSO. I WANT TO GO. BUT SO FAR THE FEAR HASN'T BEEN THERE FOR AWHILE. BUT WHENEVER THE EMOTION ABUSE COMES FROM MY PARENTS ITS LIKE ALL THE FEAR COMES BACK. I'M STARTING TO GET SOME GUTS TO GO ON THIS. HE PLAYS SOCCER AND I WANTED TO SEE HIM PLAY SOCCER. HE LIVE IN PITTSBURGH AND I LIVE IN IRWIN.
breannetopley18 breannetopley18
18-21, F
Dec 2, 2012