Please Help Me Figure All Of This Out! I Am Desperate. :(

Hi everyone. I am so broken right now. I just broke up with my bf of 3 years LASTNITE and am so confused, hurt and frustrated and just don't know what to do. If someone reads this and can help me clear my mind and sort things out, please get in touch. I have been a victim of Emotional abuse for approx. 3 mos. now (May) & have just recently begun to realize that's what it is, although our relationship throughout has had many ups and downs... and I really need some help confirming that he is the problem and not me. He began being cold and abusive both verbally and physically after I called him out on something he did in public to hurt me, belittle me. Ever since I tried talking to him about it ( yes, that very second ), he began to be so cruel and hurtful and then only to continue each day thereafter with only a few good days, not great in between. He would lash out at me for nothing- trivial things like running the water too long, not answering my phone, telling me I am always making things up in my head and it goes on and on. I am so desperate to get my head back together and move on, but again, this just happened last evening & he will not be able to move until this Saturday. I need to get my head straight about everything, and there are a lot of things that have happened as of late. ( including Physical abuse in the past, getting caught in stupid little lies, denying he ever did these things, calling me names, not looking at me anymore, controlling who I see & hang out with, where I go,) and it goes on and on. I would just like someone to help me with this whole thing so I can figure this all out. He will be here for 2 more days & I don't want to leave because it is my home, however I don't want to be here if he is here either & I would just go somewhere to at least just be gone away as much as I can, but I am exhausted, have not slept in days as of late, weeks in past history! & just want to clear my head and understand all of this. I do love him and would love for things to be like they were, but he does not communicate- even when asked. He YELLS at me or gets sarcastic and MEAN if I try to broach a subject so as to fix what is wrong and making him treat me this way! If he could just see what is happening and fix it, he would be a dream man. I want to talk to him and try again to work things out, but am scared to do so, because I don't want him to start yelling, scared to try to talking to him because of my fear of rejection and because I do not want to work it out if he is never going to change. I am sooo confused and need someone to help me work through all of these variables, esp. for the fact that he will be here for 2 more days. I really do not have anyone to talk to about any of this, only 1 friend knows & my Mom, however they are too busy right now to listen and help. It is so hard. I hope to hear from someone soon and thank you to everyone & my prayers and thanks to you all for sharing your stories, great to have support.
shellbell1 shellbell1
46-50, F
Jul 18, 2013