Mama's Boy!

The past two guys I have dated were pure mama's boys. They go to there mothers for every little thing.It's so annoying. I'm a female and I don't go to my mother or father for hardly anything. I don't understand the concept of "ma, can u do this for me,can u do that for me" I never had the option of even being able to ask my mother for money.These guys i have dated act like 4 years old boys,and they are in there late 20's.I didn't think it would be such a turn off but after a couple of years of dealing with that you would swear you were sleeping with their mom.The funny thing is neither one of them are the only child.Both guys came from larger families, and all of their brothers are mama's boys too.What the heck is going on? They act like they don't want move out from ma's house,they don't have the desire to get and keep jobs and be responsible for themselves.What women their age would want to be with a man who can't use the bathroom without ma being right there to hand them the toilet paper? I don't know if all men are like that but it's starting to wing me away from dating for a while.I have a older brother and both of us are very independent individuals.We just don't have the need to go to parents for much.We just delt with things on our own and only went to them if it was absolutly nessesary.The problem could just simply be I need to start dating older men. They know it's not cute to be living under mama's roof at the age of 30 and 40. If there are any real men out there that can explain the mama's boy theory to a 28 year old lady.Please let me know what is going on with these men out here, I just don't understand....



fishtale81 fishtale81
2 Responses Feb 26, 2009

After thinking that I might be losing my sanity, I did some research. If you are involved with a momma's boy, daddy's girl, the momma, or the daddy, the best thing for you might be to get out of that relationship. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. Denial plays a big part in these relationships, and these people have convinced themselves that there is nothing wrong with the way they are acting. They'll try to convince you that you are the one who is out of line.<br />
Sometimes it isn't so easy to just leave. You might care about one of these people too much to do that. My advice is to read Dr. Patricia Love's book ( I don't know why part of the title was replaced with *** on this site. It's also important to read a book or two on narcicism, as this will go a long way toward helping you to understand what you're dealing with. From what I've learned, parent-child enmeshment, and unhealthy narcicism, go hand in hand. <br />
Even with what I've learned, I don't know if I can change this situation. To be with my girlfriend again was something that I wanted for many years. If I was a shallow person and just interested in sex, maybe this wouldn't bother me so much. But on the emotional side, I come 2nd to her son. They are a textbook case of mother-son enmeshment. Almost every symptom is there. If she was anyone else, I would have hit the road several months ago.

I can totally relate from a different angle. I reconnected with my first love from high school. It was like we picked up where we left off 28 years before. I was in heaven. She travelled across the country to live with me. Then she began to critisize me for a lot of things. Ok, I'm not perfect so I tried to change a little. Several things she said and did, didn't make sense. That was until her 25 year old son moved out here. We're going to college because it's affordable out here, and supposedly he wanted to go to college too. Things got weird! Very weird! I feel like I'm competing with another man living under my own roof for the love of my girlfriend. He acts like a 13 year old half the time. He sticks to her side like he can't let go of the hem of her skirt. He has no interests of his own. He just wants to hang out with us, or really with his mommy. My sex life is a fraction of what it was. That's because the moments my girlfriend and I get alone have become rare. He should have grown up and become independent 10 years ago but he still needs mom to be right there to hand him the toilet paper. My girlfriend is very much a part of this. She lives in denial, makes excuses for their behavior, and tries to pass it off as a normal family that's just very close. I did some research on momma's boys/daddy's girls. It's called emotional ****** syndrome. There's a good book by Dr. Patricia Love.They don't outgrow it. I worked with a 40 year old guy who was living with mommy. He said he takes care of her. Yeah, sure! I also had a neighbor who remained unmarried and lived with his mom till the day she died at 90 something. Men are not all like that. Some of us are quite the opposite. Don't get discouraged. Just be patient and be careful. Borrowing Richard Jenni's words: "Everyone has emotional baggage". It's hard to find someone with just a small carry-on emotional bag instead of a big old cargo van load full of them.