I Ended Friendships Because I Felt Jealous At The People Themselves.

Friends were more popular than me, doing better than me, more skilled than me.

I resented that, and took it out on them, because I felt like they were leaving me behind, for better things.

I feel kinda guilty, because I was constantly thinking of myself, but recently I stopped and thought...

There was a reason why they were more popular than me, and getting more rewards than me...

Because they were better friends than me.

They didn't purposely chose to have good things happen to them, and for me to be stationary without said good things, it just happened because THEY worked hard to deserve it.

I was a worse friend because I was only thinking about myself, and I wasn't HAPPY for them and their amazing rewards for their achievements. I should have been proud of my friends.

I wasn't working hard enough to earn my rewards, and I took it out on those that were.

I regret that.

However, I want to put that right. And I will.
Jiemusu Jiemusu
22-25, M
5 Responses Aug 8, 2010

It takes real maturity to realize and admit your failings. Years ago, I was jealous of my friend Donna. I was a single mom, working at a job I hated to keep a roof over our heads. Donna was happily married, a stay-home mom, able to be there when her kids got home from school. She didn't have to worry about money. She could walk into any store and buy whatever she wanted. She was very kind and generous, often giving my daughter expensive clothing that her daughter had outgrown. I felt I had nothing to offer in return. I couldn't see that she liked me for myself. One day, I was so jealous that I picked an argument with her. She tried to find out what was really bothering me, but I wouldn't tell her. I only said we couldn't be friends anymore. I now realize what a good friend she was and how wrong I was to let jealousy and resentment get the better of me.

Thanks for the kind words 1krazichika309.<br />
<br />
Yeah I don't want to be the kind of person that doesn't accept responsibility for their actions, and continues to take that out on and blame those around or nearest, driving people away slowly. In fact, I'm determined not to let that happen.

I wish more people could be as kind and intelligent as you. Most people never see their flaws and continue to blame everyone else for their own problems. You are very mature and I can see good things coming your way. You deserve it. This is just a bump in your path.

Thank you for your comment.<br />
<br />
I think I see what you mean, but correct me if I'm wrong, by being a friend rather than having to have them around, there's a part of you that will always be a friend, and through that you will always have friendship in your heart, wherever you go?<br />
<br />
If that's what you mean, I can see the light of that.

You are very resolved about this<br />
I see a strong maturity in what you say<br />
Big ups for figuring that out<br />
Not having friends is not the end of the world<br />
I am more interested in being a friend then having one<br />
but hey it's your life<br />
just don't discount the possibility that you may reencounter those friends later<br />
peace on the journey