From Friends to Acquaintances

I know that every relationship we’re in teaches us something, whether we want to learn the lesson or not we grow from each encounter, even if all we learn is not to be so trusting or learn what we want or don’t want in a friendship. A ‘friend’ of 10 years emailed this to me about a year ago and then just faded away. I don’t know where she got this and I’m sure it’s floating around the internet somewhere if you care to look, but I think it effectively tells the tale. I didn’t realize at the time she was trying to tell me something…

“People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, when you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.   When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. 

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. 

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it's because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like spring turns to summer and summer to fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life”.

I’ve always been VERY particular about whom I’ll call a friend (I have trust issues). We went from friends to acquaintances for reasons she shares only in ambiguous terms that don't make any sense to me.  I'm now ambivalent about the whole thing.  I’ve just not heard of someone who advertised their departure from friendship so civilly. The poem however, is apropos.

Katija Katija
51-55, F
4 Responses Jul 17, 2007

I agree with Di. Sometimes you have to move on. It's really sad though. I've felt like a free therapist for many years and it seems like the only time I hear from certain people is when they're depressed or in trouble. If I start to comiserate and try to share my concerns or feelings, my issues are pushed aside and we must return to the friend's complaints. I get dropped the minute they feel better. I've started therapy and now that I'm feeling validated as a person with the right to feelings of my own, our relationships are dwindling fast! I just don't want to be an emotional dumping ground. I want to be part of the happy times too or I'm outie. Any hints would be appreciated!

I understand your feelings towards the way she said goodbye.......<br />
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But the message attached makes a lot of sense................<br />
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Listen to the message: we do run into people for the simple reason of learning from each other...<br />
sometimes we don't want to see it like this, but it is........................<br />
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look back at what you went through with her. Look and see how it made you to be who you are because this person had a impact on your life........<br />
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sorry about your friend. I just lost my best friend recently too. A 20 year relationship with her and it all ended in 18 hours.......All because she has insecurity issues, and she is angry at the world, and i happen to be there at the moment of her chaos.She completely crushed my heart. I don't deserve this after all that i have done for her......this was my time to move on without her.<br />
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I help her enough. I need to take care of myself now................<br />
thank you for sharing this message. <br />
i do understand it......................<br />
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good luck....Di.............

My thoughts exactly, Siddler. When I try and talk to her about it she's sort of... I don't know how to describe it. It’s like she doesn't really have an answer. I know she's been under a lot of family stress over the past year and I've been there to commiserate, but I couldn’t really identify; so I just gave support. Now it’s like she’s faded away; like our friendship was too much work. I interpreted the poem as her way of saying ‘no hard feelings, but, bye!’ Initially it really did hurt my feelings, but I’m mostly okay with it now. I’m just wondering whether I should leave the door open. As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I have trust issues, which is why I don’t have a lot of friends. If she ever came back into my life I don’t think I could trust her again—or, am I just being too sensitive?

Yeah that's kind of a weird way for someone to tell you they don't want to be your friend anymore. I liked the reading that she sent but that seems a pretty backhanded way to leave a friendship.