Starting Over ....yet AgainI ended my affair. Yes, it was the right thing to do. I keep telling myself that hoping that the part of my heart that is left will someday believe it. It's been about 8 weeks since I said good bye to him and most of the time I can cope with the loss well, but every now and then, the pain of the whole experience creeps in and I just want it to go away. Unfortunately, the irriational part of me thinks that he is the only one that can heal the hurt and make me feel better.
You would think that after the life I have had, that starting over would be easy, but for some reason this just isn't. After growing up in an abusive home, I cut ties and moved on putting that part of my life in a box and starting over. Then I met my ex husband, and endured a different life for 15 years. One of emotional and mental abuse. Again, I finally found the strength to leave and put that life away and started over -- this time with two children and just the clothes on our backs. But now, somehow, MM has taken away more than that. He took away my faith in life and he took away my will to love and trust.
And how do I start over from here? I have to see this man almost every business day of the year and when he looks at me, he still cuts through all the BS I put in the forefront and shakes me to my core. Why? How does one person have an affect on me that I can't control? I guess what they say is true about addiction. Once an addict always an addict. I will always want the high that came from him but never the low of withdrawl I always got.
I know I did the right thing and I will continue to be strong. I will somehow find the will and the way to start over and move on...yet again. I was just hoping I wouldn't have to do it everyday.
craz1969 31-35, F 3 Responses 0 Jan 20, 2013