I Have Been Having the Most Passionate Affair

I have been having the most passionate affair for almost 3 yrs and 3 months to the day... I can say it has been one of the most amazing rides of my life.  I have discovered things about myself that i did not know existed, dreams i did not know I had .. But before i start let me share why It lasted so Long.

It lasted because he is and will always be my Soulmate. Because he completes me on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level. It lasted because he made me feel alive, and while by his side, I felt that anything was possible. It lasted because when we made love, it was the most amazing, life changing sex I have ever had. He taught me what it felt like to give yourself to someone unconditionally, and without reservation. He taught ME PASSION AND DESIRE.

I couldn't stop because i was addicted to his love, his touch, his body, his soul. Because when he told me he loved me, thousands of times, i felt it resinate through my body. Because i could not imagine a day without hearing his voice, or feeling his hands all over my body.

For what it's worth, i have no regrets. I gave myself, all of myself, in the name of love. And if in the end, the story is not what I had hoped, at least I KNOW THAT i can never say "what if"..  Because when i wanted to feel him, i did. When i wanted to tell him he was the most amazing man in my life, I said it. I never held back, I kissed, made love, and lived passionately...

And today i can say, i have been in love. And it was worth it.

And someday i will love again, and I will find someone who wants to spend everyday, for the rest of their lives, beside me. Waking up next to me. And loving me unconditionally.

 Please comment!


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20 Responses Sep 19, 2009

Interesting responses. In every case the word "I" was used numerous times..ie I had incredible passion...I found emotional intimacy...I was glad I did it. Selfishness,,,self centeredness. All these people are unable to enter into their own relationships because they are unable to form intimate trusting relationships outside of a couple hours a week at the Motel 6.

<p>Just wondering how are you doing now, since you ended the affair? How did you end it and did you go through a period of depression?</p>

jefro37 doesn't know what he is talking about....<br />
I assume your partner left this life, and regrets- why would you ever have any.<br />
Your story is a keeper, the partner can be replaced...<br />
your luck cause the knowledge is a universal and institutional wonder for humans, and you are not alone- trying to convey to your fellow man is the true dilemma?

Having been involved with 2 married woman over the years , I have found out two important things.The woman who become involved are looking to fill their needs as well as the man may be.. I wasn't even looking when the first one happened , but it did and in the end this woman used all of her talents to get where and what she wanted and then split. I have no regrets cause she was good in bed and have chalked it up to that.<br />
The second one, was someone who also had needs not being fulfilled in her marriage, but with her there was a tremendous connection not often found in a relationship, she had children, but she also knew I was committed to us and would have taken on the responsibility if that was to happen. It lasted more than 5 years and she did separate from her husband for over a year. It wasn’t just about sex , we often times would just lie there naked snuggling and the pleasure from those moments were far better than any intercourse at times. She truly knew how to satisfy a man and did so willingly with passion and enthusiasm. It ended when she decided that she decided she did not want the children to suffer the divorce and other trauma that may come along. Surprisingly I accepted it and it really had more to do with the love I had for her. The last time we met to say goodbye, she would even let me shake her hand and said “ if you touch me, it will start all over again” We wished each other well and said if either of us ever truly needed someone who cared it was just a phone call away. Not sad , It was something I was glad I had the chance to feel. From that day I told myself I could never let myself get that involved with someone so intensely. Well a few years later, after having sworn to myself to not look at getting involved with anyone again this way it happened.<br />
We worked together and she was beautiful in mnay ways (and to me, never someone I could think of having) we took breaks together and had lunch now and then, She was separated and I was legally divorced and had moved back in with my ex to see if we could , put things back together.<br />
In all the daily conversation my new friend and I had, I could never look her in the eyes for fear that the attraction I was feeling would break the vow I had made to myself about looking around or getting involved I would not do.<br />
Well it happened and I did look at her and it was all over, we both agreed that we had found something missing for a long time and from there acted on it. She was every man’s dream attractive , beautiful, delicious body , wise, smart, street wise, and best of all the most passionate , responsive and enthusiastic woman I have ever been with in my life. It is the 3rd marriage for both of us. Together 12 years , married 11 , I am 61 and she is 60, Then the bubble burst, menopause hit her about 2 years ago and very bad to the extent that I may have seen her naked twice in 2 years, sex is a rare thing, kissing , touching, giving oral pleasure , fondling or anything that gives the appearance of sexual is not longer there. When discussed the reply is “ I feel totally dead as a woman”. I love this woman with all my heart and struggle each day at the tremendous void this has left for me, being the physical person I am. <br />
I need the passion and am trying to decide to find it elsewhere till this passes, hopefully it will, but feel so bad at times even having these thoughts because when I found this person that was it for me, I thought I had it all, the best, the life partner, never needing or wanting to know if another woman even existed in this world. I miss the beauty of a responsive and enthusiastic woman, someone who when aroused orally can just let themselves go and let what happens , happen. I think about all the woman I see on here and know exist and tell myself to find someone with similar need you can both be smart about having an affair and be there for the times that the need for passion comes along and be able to know that someone is out there (they would know too) when it’s all too hard to deal with, I want the passion of kissing and touching and fondling and being allowed to explore every inch of that woman’s body and watch her respond and it in the end , I end up inside then that is a bonus for us both.<br />
Surely there is someone out there that wants to stay where they are , but fill the void as I due until such time that things improve. Sometimes it is easier to speak your mind when a large part of that self esteem that has been destroyed by this whole SM thing, Knowing that someone is still attracted to you as a man or woman and a PERSON.

That is a great post. Are you still around?

You *****. What you are experiencing is 100% sexual lust. The term soulmate gets thrown around by women to justify their affairs and is designed to take the focus off the sex and make it all about emotion. Women always lie about this. When my wife had an affair I found her diaries that chronicled everything, every little thing. She used the term soulmate and soulful a lot . . . . but only when comparing our marriage to the affair. She referred to him as deep and spiritual. Complete lies of course as he was nothing of the sort. He was a liquor store manager. No education and in the processes of splitting from his own wife. He manipulated her by taking advantage of me doing a long stint overseas. He used to use his kids to bait her. Its all in the diaries. Even when my wife found out that he'd been calling all his own wife's family and friends and accusing her of being a **** and ***** she still thought of him as having this deep and meaningful soul. Jeezus. She was addicted to getting ****** once a month. Even now she can't believe she fell for it. She hates it when I remind her that the guy was having and affair with her while telling everyone how faithful he was to his own wife. I know its been hard on her, but the truth is important. DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF.

whew man this is intense but I think i needed this one! Im glad you posted this. Dont even know if you use this site anymore as the comment was made in 2011... But wow, there are some real truths behind this. I have had multiple breakdowns dealing with a married man and finally beginning to realize that it is probably not the fairy tale that i wished it to be! Im single so when dealing with someone married you have many lonely and thoughtful nights which is painful. The man I am seeing has a job that is decent but will probably not get anything much better. My friends have told me that they are so disappointed in me:( I am finishing school to be a psychologist. I have no children Im 22, I work hard and I pay for all of my own things. They dont see the point in messing with a man that cannot help me in any way. He cant be there for me emotionally, financially, or physically even most of the time. I believe there is a plan in life. but we make choices as well. I met this man while i was engaged to someone else. the attraction to the married man and mind blowing sex was what initially drew me away. The MM was cute, funny, and passionate. But my fiance at the time was cute, funny, and only lacking the passion part. After 7 years of being with my fiance if I would have put half of the effort into him as I did into my MM I might be happily married right now to a GOOD man...

You are the other side to my story. It is too long to relate here (if you're interested the story is buried in my blog, address below) but suffice it to say that, though it was supremely destructive, I did fall in love with her and would prbably do it again. Even after 6 years I still miss her. I am still with my wife but part of me will always be with her.


@rejouez sorry for the late response. I rarely get on EP anymore.. my situation has been a flurry of madness however I was briefly involved with both my MM and his wife........ a very interesting, amazing, confusing, happy, and terrible situation all the same. I will read your blog and once again apologize if I do not return to this site often... There are certain things I do not feel comfortable sharing... even as an anonymous user... needless to say... I am more confused than ever... I have backed away recently and have no contact with either him or his wife... my life will be okay.. I will heal... but he will forever have a place in my heart and I will always love him.

Thanks for your story. It is so hard to let go.

sounds to me like the OP was the other woman. there are so many kinds of love in this world and none of them are fairy tail grade sadly. im glad you got to enjoy what you had while you had it. good luck moving forward...

Wish you the best!

Thanks for your story. I feel the same way, and I let him go too.

I appreciate the candid explanation of your experience. It appears to be an experience of a lifetime. The level of intimacy you describe is the ideal but more often than not found between people addicted to the high adrenaline flows that influence the brain when one is getting away with taboo. There are varied reasons why one may have an affair but a common thread in affairs is that feeling that you have found it all in each other until you are downsized by the reality of a normal relationship in which the both of you now have to commit and leave with the every day experiences and challenges faced by your alienated spouses. Knew a guy who waited around the corner for 9 years to pick up a married woman any moment the husband was manipulated into taking the kids out or chose to spend time with his children so that his wife could have some me time. She swore it was the best sex in the backseat of his truck, in biulding stairwells and motels around town. Until she was finally caught by her husband who quietly left. Keep in mind that they had been to numerous marraige counseling sessions as her husband sought to find a way to keep the relationship healthy but her addiction endured through and during all the counselling efforts. Today she is faced with her dream man and all of a sudden he is now defining the relationship in the context that it existed while her husband was in the picture. All the balloons are popping all of a sudden and I believe that is why you did not explain how your affair ended or why. Three and a half years is a lifetime for many marraiges today and too long for one to spend in an affair whilst claiming any sincere intention of working on any range of issues in your marraige. Another affair would result in the same high so thier is not much of a mystery to the experience you described. My sympathy frankly goes to those who may or may not know how rewarding you found your deception to be and my guarantee is that the thrill does not end there for with each challenge you now know to seek the avenue were these rewards abound. Wish you the best

I related to everything you said. I too had an affair. I am also married. Mine started when my husband and I split for a while, not by my choice but we were having so many problems that separating was the thing to do at the time. I started off talking to a guy online, and we had talked for a while...It took him 3 months to even convince me to go on a date, just dinner. Finally after 3 mo. I decided to do it. To see what it was like to go out on a date, let alone with someone completely different than what I was use to. I had a WONDERFUL time. He is 9 years younger than me, not that that is a problem, but I got to see a whole new way of life. We went out for a little while, off and on in the beginning. Then it ended. I never stopped thinking about him. My husband and I got back together, with every intention of working things out. He left 3 mo. later to go to Iraq. He did contracting work there. As time went on, out of the blue the guy I went out with contacted me on Thanksgiving, just to simply say...Happy Thanksgiving. I didn't talk to him at first, but ended up contacting him back. We kept on talking and started seeing each other again. We connected in a way, I had never experienced. He had been hurt in a former relationship, so he had big walls up. As time went by slowly those walls were coming down, and we connected even more. The way he looked at me, smiled at me, his laugh, he genuinely cared about me. I do know my actions were wrong, after all I'm married. Not to mention the fact he was working in Iraq at the time also. But we grew close. He made me feel alive...He made me feel like nothing I have ever experienced. The sex was AMAZING, and even our connection there was unreal. In August 2010, my husband came back from Iraq. I ended things before he came back. I wanted my marriage to work out, especially since we had got back together in the first place to do just that. I didn't talk to the guy I was seeing, until my husband started growing distant. He came back from Iraq a different guy. He had, has no emotions. I made the move to start the affair up again, but it all came to a screeching halt around 3 weeks ago. We had been having so many problems, I even packed my things and was moving out. My husband found out everything. He even ended up in a fist fight w this guy, the morning I met him up town, I had actually went to tell him goodbye and to leave and go home. My husband caught us. Then the fight happened. I left for the eve, to get my head straight.....My husband was furious and not talking it was all yelling of course. Well long story short......My husband I talked, and talked and talked and we decided to work it out. I haven't had the marriage I have wanted for a long time.....the guy I was seeing was filling everything I was looking for. I ended it with him. My problem is I cant stop thinking about him, I know I loved him.....He completed me. I do realize what I did was wrong, I am not asking anyone to agree with what I did. My husband and I want to work things out, we have two small children together and we do want our family....But we do not want what we had...Which was a loveless marriage. I am not over the other guy, I am trying...I want to give my marriage all I can, what man would even try after finding out your wife cheated on you while you were in Iraq?!? No one I would ever come across, I know that for sure. So deep down inside, I do know that he loves me. But we are both working on this and trying.......I just cant stop myself from feeling guilty, and missing the guy I was with. I know that is wrong especially since we are working on our marriage. We are going to therapy, and communicating. But when I read your story, I completely related.

One of the things you need to understand taylor66 is that the reason things seemed so magical and wonderful with the sex and with this guy in general is because you didn't have to live the grind of a day to day life with him like you do with your husband. When my ex left me for the other guy because she thought they were soulmates and there love would last forever. Well that forever lasted for about a year and a half after we split and then she was back saying the magic had faded and how much of a mistake she made and wanted to make it work again, but by that time to many things had happened that couldn't be forgotten. Not to mention I just didn't trust her anymore. So take a serious step back to give yourself some clarity.

True love doesn't always come in your life time. I felt like crying while reading your post. I could just feel what you are into. And it really hurts so deep. I know coz I am in that situation too.

You never said why you ended the relationship.

Yes this is the way our lives should be. Passionate, loving, connecting with the love of your live. I've been married 30 yrs. Three yrs ago I started an affair that made me feel like that. He felt the same but would not leave his wife of 39 yrs. I ended the relationship. I'm hurting so deep. I miss him . What ever you do dont lose that man. You may never find a love like that again.

You are SO lucky to have exprienced that... But did he feel the same passion? If he did, you are both crazy to break it off. Otherwise, be thankful for that time with your lover. Lucky, you are.

u gave all that unconditionally and it sounds like it ended. that is sad since that doesnt happen very often.

get out of the marriage, or your partner will be more hurt when he finds out about your affair.