Fantasy`s Child

I met the man I am married to now 35 years ago his  Dad married my Mom. I was  15 and he was 19 when we met  I so wanted to be with him ,When we were alone a few times there was so much sexual tension between us  it was crazy. he was my fantasy, I knew in my heart someday we would be together. We have been together 7 years  now and married for two When we did finally get together I knew there would be issues in the bedroom because of his type 1 diabetes and there were issues, I tried to overlook them I knew it wasn't his fault. and we did OK for a while  I`m not sure he really even knows how to make love to a woman he doesn't like fore-play, kissing is dirty and of course no oral sex.  He has major issues now, he has end stage kidney failure and he is on home dialysis we haven't had any kind of real sexual contact for about. a year or longer.  I feel like  he doesn't really care about my  wants and needs We have had so many fights over this I cry and scream and tell him how I feel  I tell him this is the most loveless relationship I have ever been in and not just because of the no sex and he tells me he knows and he is sorry. I always apologize and tell him I know he is sick I tell him how selfish I am to want him, that makes me feel so dirty.  
This is how I feel and maybe I`m wrong but if the shoe were on the other foot I`d be so worried about his wants and needs I`d   make every attempt to keep him happy and satisfied. Whenever were having one of those fights I tell him there are so many other ways to please a woman he just looks at me and shakes his head and walks away now I feel even dirtier like I`m a pervert I think maybe there is something wrong with me.
I miss feeling a man hold me, I want to be kissed so bad it makes me ache.
I love my husband with all my heart but  how long can a woman go without a mans touch ?
I want him to want me so bad,  I want him to  take me in his arms and tell me how much he wants to make love to me.
I know this is only real in my dreams.
cnanursie cnanursie
51-55, F
2 Responses May 20, 2012

Lord, I can't imagine not cuddling!!! Here are some *hugs*. Poor kitty!

I have diabetese as well, and there are ways one can have sex. In addition to diabetese, I have high blood pressure and getting an erection is a real problem. I have always been considerate of my partner, and I always try and make her *** before me. I have realized she has needs too, and I have alway been open to oral sex, going down on her, and simply jacking her off using my fingers. For me, I can't get an erection at all, but for her, I bought a dildoe and a vibrator, which I will use on her often. So far she is ok with that. I have tried viagra, but that dosn't work to well, and my doctor has suggested that I use the little pills that you insert into the penis. I tried one, and they work well. Not getting an erection, really destroys ones urge t have sex. <br />
Your partner sounds like he is simply not interested, and he is probably stressed over his illness and worries a lot. I think you both need councilling.