What's Marriage Anyway?

I come from a family in which no one has remained married to the same person. Almost every individual has been divorced and remarried. Some of them more than once. I feel that I grew up not knowing what a successful marriage should look like and I fear more than anything that I will fail at it in much the same way.

I am madly in love with a man I hope to marry some day, if he'll have me. I just hope I know how to keep us together.

amsthegreat amsthegreat
22-25, F
5 Responses Nov 22, 2009

That may be true, but I am now single. lol

Thank you for sharing your views with me. I really appreciate it. You've definitely given me something to think about.

Hi Amsthegreat, I hear what you're saying about being in love, wanting to build a life together with your other half, and being scared of failing to stay married. I think I can safely say that I've been in all those positions. I married the love of my life...and although I called it quits, I will love him for the rest of my life but realize how much he changed after marriage...also, realized how much I changed after becoming his wife. Marriage changes people...for the most part....sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse...and eventhough we vow for better or for worse, you have to re-evaluate your relationship ever so often to make sure you're both happy and capable of raising happy children together...if we just blindly live by vows, and refuse to see reality, we are doing ourselve a disservice. I left because I realized that I no longer wanted him to be the father of my children (when I have children one day). <br />
Every marriage is going to be different. Different problems with different solutions. What I think you have on your side, is that you've seen so many different types of marriages. You know what DOES NOT WORK, and you know what WORKS. The more knowledge we have about things, the more informed our decisions are about our future. In other words, you will make wiser decisions because you have more knowledge available to you. Take advantage of that, and the best thing you can do, in my opinion, is KNOW YOURSELF, know who you want to become, and know your partner and who he wants to become...make sure that your lives are compatible, not just today, but for a lifetime. <br />
Of course, you can tell me to shut up and mind my own business at any point...but, I hope i've at least made you think about something new, or think about something in a new way. <br />
Wishing you the best!

Flutter, I don't know if you are correct or not. It's definitely a different take that you usually hear.<br />
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All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. Married or not.

Marriage is an instrument used to control people. It is a negotiation of power, that often ends in everyone losing. If people manage to successfully maintain a marriage, then it is almost certain that one spouse is winning while the other is losing. I wish I never got married. I won't be so stupid again.