Looking Back

the other day i happened to dig out my awesome Hello Kitty journal that i got for my 17th birthday from it's hiding spot. i started flipping through and browsing some of the entries, and this is what i found:

"It's October 25. I'm Liz Parker & there are two reasons I LOVE to cut.
1. the deeper i cut, the longer to heal so everyday i'm reminded that i cut recently. it's a great thing to go to the bathroom during school and see the open wounds on my thigh. I lovelovelove it.
2. depending on where i cut, the more blood flows. i LOVE the bleeding. when the blood pours out, i have - absolutely have - to taste it. i wipe my finger across the blood and lick it off. it tastes REALLY awesomely amazing - kinda coppery (like a penny) but in a delicious sorta way. honestly, if i could get a bag of my own blood from like a blood bank, i'd drink it. however, i wouldn't drink someone else's because that's kinda sick-ish."

so yea, that is the entry - verbatim. when i write in my journal i start every entry the same way as Liz Parker did in the show Roswell, including using her name because it just doesn't sound as good with mine.
mutilatedalex mutilatedalex
18-21, F
2 Responses May 30, 2011

When I was 15 my mother's b/f who was abusing me caught me cutting. He told me he loved the sight of my blood. He would make me show him all my cuts when I was alone with him and if he caught me in the act of cutting he would get so excited he would force me to have sex with him right then.

oh my goodness! that sounds absolutely dreadful:( but i am glad that you shared. the thing i love about this website is i can be honest to the extreme about everything. helps get it out. hope your situational circumstances have gotten better:/

I just started cutting so I haven't been cutting REAL deep yet but I'm getting there I think the deeper I get when I progress makes me feel relief