My Addiction

I feel I truelly need help with my cutting but have no place to turn too, even though most of my scars are visable to any one, I only have one person to talk to about it and that person really doesn't understand why I do it. I don't really know how to tell either, I started when I was 16  I believe it was from grieving over the child I had lost, no one knew but I took it very hard till this day I still grieve about it, I also don't take life experinces well when bad things happen I always think about doing bad things like breaking everything in sight crashing a car over dose on pills but I always end up cutting,  I was a cutter for about a year when I was 16 and some one helped me to stop. Over the years I was find  I just kept looking at the scars thinking about how ugly they are and how I was stuck with theme for life. 2 years later I put myself in a bad relationship and I started to cut again even though I didn't do it that long I hated that I started again but it's like that anger that builds up in side that I cant tell any one about is release as I cut the skin and watch the blood flow out people might think that's crazy but that's my release route that I cant explain to no one around me. This time I started because of a few things put together, starting from the child i wish I had, the family I wish i had,the freedom I wish I had, the pain I wish would go away, the low selfsteem I always had, the weight problem, the bad relationships one after the other from physical to mental abuse, the bills I have that I can't pay and so much more build up inside of me that I cant let go, it hurts because after making so many scars where I have to open up old ones making theme look worse after that blood stops flowing and the anger inside goes away i remember how now ill have to deal with the scars that will never go away and getting the rude remarks about theme also the judgement eyes knowing how I just made it a little harder to get my next job or my next man, cutting is like any other addiction. I do need HELP

kyla47 kyla47
18-21, F
Mar 5, 2010