Save Me From My Self

hi everybody, i'm an algerian young man, i'm 20 years old, a student and i'm gay.
i had never have a relationship or sex relationship with anybody in my life, because it is my biggest secret.

in august 2012, i met a man on chatroulette, he is from usa ,he is gay too.i tod him about my secret, we love eachother, and he is my first love .
when i skype with him, i always cry because i want to be with him, so i'm always sad and depressed....i don't eat, i don't focus in my study i always think about him, i always cry in my room, i'm worried about my mind.

he can't travel for me because of some raisons, so i have to do it me.but i don't have money to buy a visa even to pay for a holiday....

and to make this pain stop, i made to biggest and the hardest dicision in my life ;in august 30 , 2014 if i still faraway from him ,i will kill my self, i can't live with such biggest pain in my heart , i miss him so much....
i know that my family and friends will be hurted,but if i'll alive the only one person who is hurted is me , so i don't have a choice....." to be happy or not to be".

the time is going faster and i want to save my life......i need help
hurtedboy hurtedboy
18-21, M
1 Response Dec 11, 2012

You need to stay focused on your studies besides you haven't even been with this man in person he may not be what you want. Get out of this frame of mind NOW! I don't know if you are religious or not but there are things out there called "evil spirits" in my life I've experienced some pretty unhappy things, and thought at the time that killing myself would fix it, then I realized that what ever I was feeling was temporary, time has a way of healing the deepest wounds. Another very important approach to this is to take your pain and HELP SOMEONE ELSE giving to others does wonders for our hearts and soul. Love to you my friend.

thank you for your advices bro, i believe in "evil spirits", i think my feeling are strongest then me, i love so much and i don't know why, maybe because he is my first love.....i tried to forget the pain by being with friends, going to the cinema, doing sport, but i always miss him, i think killing it self is not always bad, because at least being dead doesn't makes me feel the pain in my heart. people say "don't let someone be your everything, because when they,re gone you have nothing", but for me it was late......