I Dont Enjoy, I Just Somehow Get Into Them

Two long distance relationships. One with A german, I married him so he could get his papers...and we could live happily ever after...or maybe just in my naive 18 year old mind.. He was lazy, got fatter...did not work or go to school...and I supported him financially for six months. In which after his visa expired and he went back to his country. By accident, I found yahoo saved messages and a conversation in which he confused his love to another girl...so on top he cheated on me. Around the same time, my grandma was sick...with cancer. When she passed away a few weeks later..I broke up with him because I felt no more greater pain than I already was in. I started working..to pay of the bills he had left and to this day he still says he will pay me back and its been four years. So I got in a relationship with someone else...not right away we were friends....this happened like 2 months after my grandma passed away. I initially did not know...he was sick...he told me on the second day....of chatting that he had leukemia. From then on its been an upside down rollercoaster...with Michael now thank God being in remission and healthy for 3 years 1/2 years. But for to long I let my ex relationship get in the way. Its hard to let go of someone when you lost your childhood to them....if you know what I mean. So I thought he was my best friend...but he has hurt me os much throughout these 4 years...almost costing me my currrent relationship. I have seen Michael....hes traveled twice here to see me and less than a month ago I traveled to Las Vegas to see him. I just wonder why....have I gotten into two serious long distant relationships... Atleast Michael has not cheated on me, and he works and studies.... But its been troublesome because he has issues...and in the beginning many times he would push away...and would break up with me...and I would go running back to calling my ex....and crying and confiding in him....luckily he was in Germany. But slowly ive been letting go of my ex, now we are just acquaintance.... And for that same reason my relationship with Michael has become stronger. So my only two relationships have been long distance. In between michael breaking up with me, I listened to a counselor (from school) advice...to make guy friends...and go out and see what else was out there. Garbage...my best friend tried to hook me up with her cousin, he turns out to be bipolar. I meet a guy at a club...he turns out to be flirtatous and only wants one thing which he could not get from me so he stopped calling. My best friend also had her brother in law...who seems to be autistic and only dates underage girls. A old lost crush from highschool that i found on my space but this guy was going to be a father soon and had broken up with the pregnant girlfriend. I went with him to play pool and he tried to get me drunk...by ordering a bunch of drinks...I only had two drinks but I started to feel lighthead and dizzy....so I told him id be right back and ran out of the pool house and into my car leaving him stranded without a ride. LOL. I dissolved my friendship with him. Another guy that was gorgeous that I met on my space.....but he had like 1,000 girl buddies on his list lol....no player no thanks to make my life more complicated...I never even went on a date with him although he persuide me for a couple of months. In school, I had a stalker who emailed me...telling me...he had seen me in the hallway lol And besides that I was to busy with school...now I have more time because I graduated but I find myself happy with Michael. Supposedly he is moving here by december.....we will see.. Since I was 17....two long distant relationship one after the other...and now im 24 and frankly im tired....and use to it... Of course my best friend and mom advice me to find someone here... I tried....maybe not hard enough....but im inlove....and its not that easy
complicatedangel complicatedangel
22-25, F
Jul 26, 2007