Constantly being misunderstood and bullied by family members, really need to get a load off my chest
Taleen83 Taleen83
31-35, F
6 Responses Aug 21, 2014

It's horrible when it seems like u can't get away from everything. I know just how u feel. Feel free to message me if u need to chat with someone.

One technique that may help move one emotionally from the low-victim road to the higher ground is to categorize the bullies and/or their conduct.

Like some bullies engage in "malicious alienation". That's when they try to sour your relation with another friend or relative. Sometimes such malicious alienation is delivered in "duplex mode". That's when they tell your friend or cousin what a creep you are ... and also snuggle up to you so they can tell you what a creep that other friend or cousin is.

Such malicious alienation can be either chronic or acute. Like either an occasional jab to induce misery and ruin your day, or they may engage in a slow, persistent plot over years and years.

Another type is the "centralista" ... the family member who always has to be in the center of and directing everything. At the hint of any family activity where he or she is on equal footing with everyone else, he/she will find a way to position themselves at the control desk.

Then there's "Daddy Warbucks" .... the rich family member who believes non-wealthy people, especially non-wealthy family members, are non-wealthy because they lack dedication, intelligence, and especial lack the drive, and thus the opinions of the non-weathy on anything is basically worthless. Daddy Warbucks are extended control by the "Orphan Annies" of the family, even when Daddy Warbucks isn't paying, but the control is extended in exchange for future benefits :)

There's more of course.

The above may be a bit light hearted. After all, my family is perfect. But it really does help if you can put your family members in their place, even if you do so quietly as an observer. That really helps keep them from putting you in your place.

Imagine being understood and bullied! Hope they do not understand you just because they do not pay enough attention to you, and not just willfully misunderstand cause this is just easier for them - malicious people nurture misunderstanding to justify their aggression, in such case you need to look for external help should bullying become violent!

It's truly very painful... The effects have been so bad that the stress has gotten to a physical level, I'm not trying to play the victim... When ever I try to explain to them that what they are doing is hurtful. They make me feel like I'm either over emotional or crazy and that just makes me feel worse

Playing the victim will not help, especially if you cross certain point and really become one, even though it is just in y our head. It seems to me that continuing your efforts to explain your feelings would just not help the situation, I am sensing that they just use your emotions to feed on them, like a bunch of parasites. My approach in a situation like this (with toxic parents) was to disengage emotionally - my way of doing it is not by offering good feelings, as the textbook would like me to do, I just practice ignoring them. Like a Brit on the desert island would build three pubs, one to attend, the other not-to-attend and the third to ignore, I just do that - I do ignore people who are negative towards me and allow them to have the whole negative energy to bounce off me and get back to them. I do this by using simple visualization techniques, like imagining their venom bouncing from the plexiglass that separates me from them, it really works - please tale control of the process and first of all manage your attention and focus - do not give your energy to them, they are most probably not even worthy of this. You are stronger than you think, and not-thinking about those that do not deserve it is the way to execute your power of choice. Please try this.

Thanx for helpingšŸ˜Š

If there was one person who would understand you the most right now it would be me. Message me and I'll tell you more about what I am going through but in short just take a trip or let them know you are feeling this way. Surround yourself with positive people that you like and trust and just doing those simple things will help a lot. Best of luck to you

My friend, people are a reflection of where you are at in life personally. Close your eyes and try and reprogram yourself to tune out your emotions, both good and bad. It will take a while but sooner or later you will learn to speak from the heart without the worry of other peoples emotions while not letting yours cloud the moment.

Remember, I know it sounds selfish, but this life is a gift to you from the universe where you must learn to be your own caregiver. For it you don't no-one else will.

How are we supposed to reprogram ourselves? and to tune out our emotions? Any advise on technique? method that works?

It's ok when you can put a wall or a wall of distance between yourself and the bullies but that's not always possible and that doesn't always help with the part-time bullies :)